Today marks the 6th year I have been 'Mrs Mark Lee'. Mark and I have been a couple for 11.5 years now and I can safely say that the first 10 years had been a breeze. We had a super short courtship (damn... why did I make things so easy for him??) and once we got together, we really enjoyed life as a 'couple'... travelling, eating, splurging on bags (for me)/electronics (for him). All was well until 17 June 2008 when we lost Lucas. After that day, life hasn't been the same for both of us. I guess I can safely say that things started to go downhill really fast from then on.
We do have our ups and downs, but I think the loss of Lucas and Chloe brought our relationship to a whole new level... a place where even couples who have been married for 50 years may not have gone before. It'd made me appreciate and treasure him a lot more after what he did for me during/after the 2 miscarriages. It also made me see him in a whole new different light... I think he'd matured a lot through these 2 losses. I still blame myself for causing 'havoc' to Mark's life.
If he didn't marry me, he wouldn't have lost his 2 precious babies cos I am sure most other women would be able to carry them to term safely. If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't have to suffer the pain and heartache of a bereaved parent. If not for me, he might have been living a happy life that is free from this agnonizing pain, and he won't feel the tug in his heart when he sees babies.
He loves me so much, he gives me anything I could possibly ask for (and more) that are within his means, but yet all I have to offer him in return is heartache and pain.
07 Mar 2008 - The 10th anniversary of the day we became a couple, I conceived Lucas. At that time, I thought that Lucas was the best 'present' I could give to Mark. Sadly, we lost our firstborn after only 14 weeks of happiness.
21 Oct 2009 - Our 6th wedding anniversary, I thought that I'd finally be able to present him with his little princess who'd have been exactly a week old today, but who knows we would lose her too.
I think I really suck at giving him presents... maybe I should just stick to the traditional presents like ties, cuff links, perfumes, belts, and stuff like that from now on.
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To the Daddy of my 2 Angels,
Happy Anniversary Darling.
I am sorry that yet again, I have nothing to offer to you this year,
maybe except my love and lots of tears.
But trust me, although I don't have the courage to
promise you that we can definitely get what we want,
I promise you that I will not give up trying
so as not to let our 2 darling Angels perish in vain.
Thank you for being the great husband to me,
and for being the best daddy to Lucas and Chloe.
XOXO,
From the Mummy of your 2 Angels
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