When I woke up this morning, I was greeted by yet another clear sunny day... blue skies dotted by patches of fluffy white clouds. It should have been the start of a beautiful day ahead, but yet I can't help but be disappointed by the fact that I woke up (again). To me, it's just another day that I have to drag myself through, another day for me to shed more tears, another day for the pain in my heart to further torture me.
Both Mark and DG have commented that my mood seem to be lower recently, and I am begining to notice it myself too. I had initially expected that things would get better after Chloe's EDD on 14 Oct 09, but on the contrary, it seems to be going in the opposite direction instead. I have tried to soul-search and ask myself what would be reason for this, but somehow I simply cannot find any answers. My mind seems to be a constant blank nowadays and having to make it work takes up considerable effort. Maybe that's also why I that find working is no longer enjoyable. In fact, it has become more of a 'chore' now and I have to force myself to do simple tasks, which would have been a breeze for me in the past.
Perhaps I am begining to slowly lose passion in life and all the things that I used to enjoy doing. To be honest, in the past week, I can feel the life ebbing away from me... it's an interesting feeling (if only it weren't so depressing)... a bit like how the water recedes from the shoreline during low-tide, slowly but surely. I have had a few dreams lately where I see myself falling into a dark, gaping hole... I never got to find out what is inside the hole because I always get jolted awake during the 'falling' process.
Perhaps my low mood could be due to the lack of a good night's sleep. Since I am seeing my doc on Thursday, I may try my luck in asking her to prescribe me with some sleeping tablets **fingers crossed**. I am not too hopeful about this though, cos I reckon they'd be too apprehensive to prescribe those drugs to me. Oh, and maybe it'd also help if Hershey stops sleeping ON me (she's trying to solicit for a tummy rub or ear scratch) while I am still asleep. **Mark, please take note..**
Perhaps my mood is due to the fact that I know of many friends who have given birth/ will be giving birth during this period. I really don't know the real answer... All I know is I feel like I am sinking into this gaping hole, and it is a nice, comforting feeling.
Ok, I think I am begining to sound like 'Moaning Myrtle' in Harry Potter, who is constantly sobbing, whining, wailing and complaining!! I hope that I can consciously stop myself and my thoughts from becoming too depressing.
Although today's weather is nice, I don't think I will go for my noontime swim during lunch because I got quite a bad sunburn yesterday and I am feeling the pain on my chest and (flabby) tummy. Mark saw my tan lines last night and commented that I am begining to remind him more and more of Magda (from 'There's Something About Mary). I think it is about her/ our tans... This is how 'Magda' looks like... I REALLY hope Mark doesn't mean it cos it's not very flattering at all!! 
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