Scars from the Battles I Fought (and Lost)

I saw the psychiatrist yesterday and as expected, she didn't prescribe me with any sleeping pills. She didn't really offer me a solution to this problem, other than telling me that this is one of the symptoms of depression and that I am doing all the right things... i.e not taking naps during the day, exercising and wearing myself out during the day, not lying in bed and trying to force myself to sleep when I am awake in the middle of the night, etc. Hmmm.. this is not very helpful at all cos sleep, or the lack thereof, is making me cranky during the day.

Anyway, the sunburnt area on my tummy (which is still flabby) is getting better... It doesn't hurt as much as earlier this week and has turned a nice shade of light brown once the redness had subsided. Good thing is that the scratch marks from my 2 pregnancies are still visible because they happen to be in an area that's covered by the swimsuit. Those are my memories of Lucas and Chloe, and I will wear the marks with pride. I consciously made an effort to ensure that they are covered by the swimsuit.

In case you think it's a typo, it isn't... I have scratch marks, not stretch marks. These are the 'battle scars' of my pregnancies. During both the pregnancies, especially for Chloe's, my stretching tummy was itching like mad and it's only on the right side, the line where the waistband sits. I used to wake up in the middle of the night to scratch myself silly before applying some lotion. That is how I ended up with the scratch marks. I do look at those marks sometimes, and reminicise of the happy times when there was a baby inside my tummy. I miss that feeling. I fought the battles (in trying to keep both babies) and I suffered a crushing defeat both times. I wear my battle scars with pride (and love).

I had initially planned to go for a swim during lunchtime later to even out the patchy bits of my tan, but I just recalled that I have a stupid conference call at noon. I already know it is going to be a useless call, but have to attend it nevertheless.

Can't believe the weekend is here again... when I was expecting Lucas and Chloe, time was so precious to me because I treasured every moment I was pregnant and savoured every minute of it... now time is just, well, time. It is not of any significance anymore cos there is nothing to countdown to, there is no 'pot of gold' at the end of the rainbow for me.