Tuesday, January 31, 2012


I have a friend/ex-colleague who was trying to conceive her second child around the same time I started my fertility treatments for little bun. Her firstborn was also conceived via IVF and now that he is old enough, he asked her for a little sibling. Both she and her husband were also very keen to grow their family. She and I went to the same clinic and thus was able to share a lot of information. There were even times when we went for our appointments together. During the times when Mark was overseas and not able to administer my daily FSH injections, she would administer them for me in the office. We were 'sub-fertility buddies' in a way and enouraged and supported each other a lot along the way.

In her case, her doctor recommended her to proceed directly to IVF and she went through a few failed cycles and took some breaks in between due to work commitments. I caught up with her over lunch not long ago and she told me she'd going for another cycle in 3 days time. She had decided that it'd be be her last attempt, regardless if she succeeds or not cos it was simply to taxing emotionally and financially.

After an anxious 2 week wait, she texted me today to let me know that she's pregnant.. and with TWINS!!! I am so freaking happy for her.. (if I were a dog, I will be doing zoomies around the house)! Little bun has 2 new playmates!!

Monday, January 30, 2012


Little bun is due for his second vaccination on Wednesday and I am dreading having to hold him down while they administer the injection. I already feel like a terrible mother at the mere thought of it. Sigh...

When he had the first dose of the vaccination, my little bun ran a fever for 3 days. and was very cranky. I really hope he doesn't have to suffer through it again. Crossing my fingers for him to be fever-free this time.


My 3.5 months old little bun

Thursday, January 26, 2012


Guess who has more new clothes than mummy and daddy combined for this Chinese New Year? This is only part of the 'ready to wear' stash which I have washed and ironed.. there are still a few more pieces which I have either decided to save for future use or which are still a tad too big for him.

We are not spoiling him... seriously, we aren't!!

Tuesday, January 24, 2012



Little bun had a little 'windfall' this Chinese New Year.. these are all the red packets that he received on day one (yes, there are a lot more to come). Since this is the first time he's celebrating Chinese New Year, and also because his arrival had been much anticipated by the family, many of the relatives are especially generous.

We brought little bun back to Mark's home in Malaysia for the first time and we introduced him to his great-grandma for the first time too. Yup, the first day of this Chinese New Year marked many 'firsts' for us.. first Chinese New Year for little bun, first time he is going overseas, first time he's meeting many of the relatives on Mark's side of the family, first time he's going out for one whole day, first time we are receiving red packets (previous years we only give out red packets to relative's children).

For the past 3 years, Mark's grandma had been wishing us '添丁发财' without fail every Chinese New Year and this is the first time she didn't wish us that (although I wouldn't mind.. heehee). Yes, finally we have given her the great-grandson that she's been hoping for.


Little bun and his 92 year old great-grandma.
(Poor old lady had been waiting for the arrival of
this grandchild for far too long..).

Monday, January 23, 2012

Little Bun's 1st Lunar New Year


Little bun wishes everyone a Happy Lunar New Year of the Dragon!!

Friday, January 20, 2012



Came aross an article yesterday that made me want to go back to the psychologists whom I saw when I was battling depression.. No, this time it's not because I am depressed, but because I want to tell them "See! I told you so!!".

At the time when I was battling depression, the psychologists whom I saw kept trying to encourage me to take antidepressants to control my mood swings. At that time, I knew I was a danger to myself if left to my own devices, but I was also clear-headed enough to turn down their offer of antidepressants because I was trying to conceive and didn't want to put any unnecessary drugs into my body. The doctors kept telling me that antidepressants will not have any adverse effect on conception and on pregnancy, but I felt strongly otherwise and stood my ground.

I think the doctors thought I was a pain because no amount of convincing could convince me otherwise. However, as it was my choice, there wasn't much they could do and thus, I was sent to see a counsellor instead.

I am not gloating, but I am so extremely glad that I trusted my instinct enough to say 'no' to them at that time. According to this recent report I read, a Swedish study found that antidepressants do HAVE adverse effects on infants (through the mother during pregnancy)!

Tuesday, January 17, 2012


Overheard the one-sided conversation between father and son one evening while Mark was holding little bun.

-> Mark to little bun: "Hands up!! This is a hold up! Do you want your milk, mittens or money?"
-> Little bun: **blank stare** (continues to chew on his fist)


I think the lack of a good night's sleep is begining to affect Mark.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Guess who?


I did this interview at the request of the Fertility Clinic (which Dr Anu is a part of) which I went to while trying to conceive. At the end of it, the lady at the hospital's Corporate Communications department thanked me effusely for doing it and my reply to her was "This is the least I can do for the place and people who gave me my much-loved baby!" (and no, I didn't change my name to Sharon).

The reporter forgot to add one very important thing.. I shamelessly asked for a discount card from the hospital the next time IF I decide to give baby-making another shot. Who has heard of a hospital discount card? Hmmmm...


*******************************************

Fertility woes - Too much stress can affect your babymaking chances

Jan 10, 2012

by Eveline Gan



Like many of her married peers, Sharon (not her real name) had always looked forward to starting a family. Unlike them, however, making babies did not come naturally.

Desperate, Sharon and her husband turned to fertility treatment. Although she successfully conceived twice after that, both pregnancies ended in heart-wrenching miscarriages. One of the miscarriages occurred during the sixth month of her pregnancy.

"Being surrounded by friends who were popping babies every other year, I really felt inadequate," she said.

A year and a half of infertility and two awful miscarriages later, Sharon decided to quit her stressful job in the travel industry.

It might have been a coincidence but, on Oct 18 last year, Sharon successfully delivered her healthy firstborn exactly one year to the day after she resigned from her hectic job.

"I told myself I couldn't go on like that. Something had to be sacrificed. I enjoyed my work a lot but it was also very hectic and mentally stressful," said Sharon, whose work required her to travel frequently.


Childless in Singapore

Sharon's story is not unique. In Singapore, infertility affects about 10 to 15 per cent of men and women in the reproductive age group.

Experts attribute it to couples marrying and starting a family at a later age, when the quality of eggs and sperm start going downhill.

However, Dr Stephen Chew, a senior consultant at National University Hospital's Department of Obstetrics and Gynaecology, noted that a stressful lifestyle and other sexual disorders like dyspareunia (painful intercourse) can also lead to fertility woes.

"Most Singaporeans tend to lead hectic lives, working long hours. This affects the frequency of sexual intercourse which in turn affects the chances of conception," explained Dr Chew, who will be speaking on the topic this week (see box for details).

He said that as sperm can survive for five days, it is theoretically sufficient to "cover the whole week by having sexual intercourse once or twice a week".

The problem is that for many couples, having a goal in mind (make baby tonight!) can lead to performance anxiety in men.

Dr Chew candidly spoke about the "tonight-tonight syndrome".

"It's not a medically recognised term but sexual health specialists noticed that some men seemed to be having erection problems during their wives' mid cycles (that's a woman's most fertile period). In men, stress and anxiety can affect erection," he said.

A simple strategy would be to "just go with the flow and have regular intercourse", advised Dr Chew. So wives, don't tell the husband when your mid-cycle occurs or say things like "it's now or never".

Too much stress also affects ovulation in women.

A new study by researchers from Oxford University and the US National Institutes of Health looked at 274 healthy women aged between 18 and 40 who were trying to conceive. The findings, published in the journal Fertility And Sterility, suggested that high levels of stress may reduce a woman's chances of conceiving during the fertile days of her monthly cycle.

Just how much stress affects conception is still a debatable issue, said Dr Chew.

He continued: "What we do know is that the body is hardwired to protect itself. It is engineered to know that if a pregnancy affects a woman's survival, say during periods of extreme stress like in wartime or a famine, it will shut down ovulation so that the woman can't conceive."

The same study suggests that some couples who are trying for a baby may benefit from relaxation techniques.

Dr Chew urged couples who have been trying unsuccessfully for a year to have a baby to seek medical advice.

"If you're having your period only once every six months, then you should seek medical attention straightaway because obviously, conceiving is going to be a problem if you ovulate so infrequently," he said.

Excluding the loss of income, Sharon reckoned that she and her husband spent at least S$50,000 on fertility treatment. Despite the costs and emotional strain, the first-time mum cannot be happier now, enjoying her three-month-old baby's every development milestone.

"I have gone through a difficult time trying to conceive, and have experienced two miscarriages. Now, that the baby was born, I finally feel like a woman and a mother. If I have to do it all over again, I would," she said.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Stubborness (or Courage?)


This morning I groggily woke up to little bun's whimpering. I guess he'd been awake for a while already and decided it was getting boring so he wanted some company. Mark was already up but was in the shower getting ready to bring the bacon home. I am generally not a morning
person, especially since I have been up 2 (or it could be 3) times last night feeding little bun and cuddling him back to dreamland thereafter.

I rolled over to face little bun and gave him a few feeble pats as I was still feeling rather grouchy (yup, no prizes for guessing who little bun inherited the grouchiness from!!) and still dying to fall back into the comfort of dreamland. Just at that moment, my little toothless boy decided to practice working his charms and flashed me a wide, gummy grin followed by a throaty "Ooooooo". He repeated this a few times and it melted my heart completely and woke me up instantly (this could be the BEST way to wake me up from now on.. **Mark, please take note**).

It was such a special moment, just between mummy and her little bun. Mark, who had by then finished his shower, saw the magical moment between us and our 'twosome' quickly became a 'threesome' cos I think the daddy was feeling jealous and left out!! Mark then made a remark that I will always remember (or until dementia sets in).

For the past decade, he had always been complaining about my stubborness (which I've vehemently denied) and we had many a fight about it. However, just this once, he admitted he is glad that I had stubbornly insisted on carrying on with fertility treatments and forging head with my baby plans. This is despite the numerous failures and hurdles that were placed in my/our path, and in the face of many naysayers. He acknowledged for the first time that if it hasn't been for my stubborness in refusing to give our baby making plans a break, our precious little bun wouldn't be here today and we wouldn't be witnessing/experiencing this morning's special moment.

***defensive mode kicking in*** I still (stubbornly??!) insist that I am not at all stubborn (LOL!!).. I'd much prefer the term 'courage'.

This is one of the quotes that I used to motivate myself during those months of seemingly futile fertility treatments:

'Courage doesn't always roar,
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying "I will try again tomorrow".' --- Mary Anne Radmacher


*** With that said, Darling, if you haven't indulged in me like how you always have, and given in to me and everything that I wanted, I might very well have raised the white flag at some stage too, especially after the ectopic pregnancy in Nov '10. You recall what I told you about my reply to Dr Anu when she told me that you are a great husband and she's glad to see how strong our relationship was despite what we were going through cos she's seen many couples struggle to cope with the stress? My reply to her then was this was precisely why I was determined to give you/us a baby is because you have been such a wonderful husband, so the only way that I can do you justice is to give you a baby and make you a daddy. I hope I did you proud and made you happy, finally. ***

Saturday, January 7, 2012


It's almost 2 weeks after Christmas and I am still not done with my Christmas entries!! Can't help it cos my previously 'totally in control and very organised' life is now in a mess and totally dependent on the schedule of Master Little Bun... This is all said in a good way of course, I wouldn't want my current lifestyle any other way!

These are the Christmas presents that we got for Lucas, Chloe and little bun... They are Precious Moment figurines, yup, 3 more to add to the growing collection (and I am fast running out of room to display them).

The ones for Lucas (left) and Chloe (right) were bought locally while the one for little bun (centre) that says 'Baby's First Christmas' with the year 2011 was something I saw online but wasn't carried in the shops here (there's a possibility they might've been sold out way in advance although all the shops I called told me that they don't carry it, some haven't heard of it even. I find it rather strange). Fortunately, Mark got it for me online (other than the fact that I am broke, I love online shopping!!!). Both Lucas and Chloe have each got their own 'Baby's First Christmas' figurines for 2008 (Lucas) and 2009 (Chloe).


Thursday, January 5, 2012

Champion Daddy


I think it's about time I give credit where it is due. So far Mark has been a wonderful daddy to little bun. He is very hands-on and does everything and anything from holding little bun in his arms for hours when he is cranky to helping me bottle feed him whenever he is at home to waking up in the middle of the night to coax little bun back to sleep even though he has to work the following day. The ONLY thing that he hasn't done is changing little bun's diapers, so I told Mark I can only award him 9 out of 10 because of this.

I guess my remark spurred him and a few days ago, he quietly and secretly changed little bun's soiled diaper without being asked. Mark and little bun have forged a very close bond and little bun loves being held by his daddy. (Honestly I suspect little bun enjoys being held by his daddy more than by his mummy because when I hold him, he tends to struggle after a few minutes but he allows Mark to hold him for hours!! Hmmmmph...)


The Champion Daddy and his Little Champion

One of the MANY times where Mark held little bun
for hours and rocked him to sleep during the wee hours

* Darling, I am proud to let you know that you are now a perfect 10 daddy!

Monday, January 2, 2012

Happy 2012


My Darling Angels,

We have stepped into another brand new 366 days (2012 is a leap year with 29 days in February). It is yet another year further from the day Daddy and I last saw you, but another year closer to the day where we will be reunited.

Festive periods are tough times because it is during this period where your absence is the most acute. We wish you are here to personally open your Christmas presents and we'd love to see the excitment and joy on your faces. I'd love to dress all of you in new clothings for Christmas and New Year, just like what we did with your little brother this year.

We are missing you so much. Happy New Year, sweetie pies.

'When I miss you, I don’t have to go far… I just have to look
inside my heart because that’s where I’ll find you.'



With Much Love Till We Meet Again,
Daddy & Mummy