The Day After

So the day came and went just like any other days... I survived it, Mark survived it, the world continues to revolve and everyone else's lives goes on as usual, everyone else's except ours.

I lit a candle for my darling girl... it even had a sticker on it that says 'For a Special Daughter'. How very apt.

Unconsciously, I have set up a little 'shrine' for her in the living room... the candle, together with the 2 cards from Mark and I, the figurine which is a present from us to her and then of course there's what I call 'Chloe's roses'. The color of this rose is a brilliant shade of pink, not the usual pale pink ones that are commonly seen. Anyway, I have been calling them 'Chloe's roses' because these are the same kind of rose that were cremated along with Chloe.

The 'Shrine'

(the flowers appear 'orangey here cos of my orange light I guess...)

I didn't want little Lucas to feel left out and forgotten... so we got him a little figurine too. He should have been around 10 months old now and would have been crawling around, so I found the cutest figurine of a little boy crawling .

I told Mark that this is how it'd be in future, if Lucas gets a 'present', Chloe would get one too and vice versa. This had been how my parents always tried to be fair to my younger sister and I. If one gets something, the other would too.. hence there was never any sibling jealousy between us. This is the way I want my angels to be too.

Mark brought me to Sentosa for dinner because I told him I wanted to go to a quiet beach. I wanted, no needed, to go to a beach because that's where we can be closest to Chloe since her ashes were scattered into the sea. We ended up at this expensive restaurant overlooking the waters and interestingly, the waitress showed us to a table for 4 although there were plenty of tables for 2 persons in the restaurant. Mark quipped that the 2 extra seats were for Lucas and Chloe (I promptly removed my bag off from one of the chairs).

After we made a toast to our babies, we went for a walk along Siloso beach, which was pretty deserted at that time. It's good cos it allowed me to cry for a while and say what I wanted to Chloe. I can only hope that she heard me.

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Oh and before I forget, a little 'incident' happened at home in the afternoon too. As I was taking the bottle of flowers from the kitchen to Chloe's little 'Shrine', I slipped and fell. Good thing I wasn't hurt badly, thanks to the baby gate that we've installed between the kitchen and the living room. We installed it when we found out I was pregnant because we wanted to be able to separate Hershey when required. Without the gate breaking my fall, I'd imagine that I would have hurt my back pretty bad. I ended up 'dismantling' the gate but with no serious 'injuries' to myself.. Only a badly bruised toe (Mark says if I still can wriggle it, it's not broken), knee and sore bum.

I was holding onto the vase of flowers when I fell and inside my head I was telling myself NOT to drop the flowers. Mark watched the whole thing happening from the couch, and he told me he could see I was trying to keep the vase from hitting the floor. If I'd let go of the flowers, I would have freed my right hand to grab onto the fridge. But I wouldn't do allow any harm to come to Chloe's roses.. would I?