The relentess pounding in my head is not letting up even after a night's sleep. It's been quite a while that I've had such a bad case of migraine. In fact, it's been so long that I don't even recall the last time I've had it, but oh boy, it's back with a vengence this time despite Mark's massages which usually works to ease the pain. The sunlight is bothering me and making my eye sockets hurt... I feel like a vampire!! I got to make sure that I can't cry that much today as crying makes the throbbing even worse. Key word is 'T.R.Y'.
Mark sent me an email out of the blue. It was something that he found it on the internet and wanted me to have. I guess it's because I had asked him before whether I am considered a 'mom' since I have no children that people could see. I re-read it a few times and cried everytime after reading it (thereby worsening the incessant throbbing).
One thing that was true about the poem below is that I did love both my babies oh so very much right from the start. From the moment my pregnancy was confirmed, they became the 'numero uno' of my life, and I put them before anyone else, including myself. If I do conceive again, perhaps I need to try and learn to curb some of my abundant love so that maybe I will get to keep that baby.
What Makes a Mother? - Author Unknown
I thought of you and closed my eyes and prayed to God today.
I asked, ’What makes a Mother?’ and I know I heard Him say,
A mother has a baby, this we know is true,
But God, can you be a mother when your baby’s not with you?
Yes you can, He replied, with confidence in His voice
I give many women babies, when they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime, others for a day
And some I send to feel your womb, but there’s no need to stay.
I just dont understand this Lord, I want my baby here!
He took a breath and cleared His throat and then I saw a tear,
I wish the I could show you what your child is doing today,
If you could see your child smile with the other children and say
"We go to earth to learn our lessons of love and life and fear,
My mummy loved me oh so much I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a mum who had so much love for me,
I learned my lessons very quickly, my mummy set me free.
I miss my mummy oh so much, but I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep, on her pillow’s where I lay,
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek and whisper in her ear,
Mummy don’t be sad today, I’m your baby and I’m here".
So you see, my dear sweet one, your children are ok,
Your babies are here in my home, and this is where they’ll stay.
They’ll wait for you with me, until your lesson’s through,
And on the day I call you home they’ll be at the gates for you.
So now you know what makes a mother.
It’s the feeling in your heart,
Its the love you had so much of, right from the very start.
Though some on earth may not realise until their time is done,
Remember all the love you have,
And you ARE a special mum!
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