Happy 2011

To my Angels,

Happy New Year to you... yet another year had passed without you by my side and sometimes I wonder how I've managed to pull through all those days without you. Missing you has become something that Daddy and I do on a daily basis, and on special occasions and anniversaries, things become exceptionally tough because we want you here with us... we want us to be a complete family... we want our house to become a home... we want to be parents of children that other people can see...

Although it is one day further from when I last saw you, my only consoldation is it is also one day closer to the next time we see each other. I am counting down to that day, and I hope we don't have too long to wait. Love is stronger than death because even though it can't stop death from happening, no matter how hard death tries, it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either.

"From now and then, till I see you again, I'll be loving you.

Love, Me"

Sending you lots of love,

Mummy

Chloe Lee --- 1st Year Anniversary

My darling little princess - Chloe,

Was that you sending me a sweet dream last night, sweetie? I dreamt of a little girl, a toddler right about your age holding my hand... was that you? In that dream, it was almost perfect.I had a feeling that I have not felt ever since losing you and Lucas... How should I describe that feeling? It's like I finally feel 'completed' or 'whole again', like the broken part of my heart is healed, like all the wrong had been righted... While it was a beautiful dream, it was a dream nonetheless, but thank you darling, for making helping me escape the harsh reality and made me really happy for those few precious minutes.

It has been one year since the day we lost you, but the pain and anguish is still as fresh as ever, the stabbing in my heart is still as relentless as ever. Don't you ever forget that Daddy and I are missing you so much. I hope you are together with little Lucas, waiting patiently for us to be together as a family again.

Meanwhile, have fun in heaven with your brother. We'll be there shortly.

Love, hugs & kisses,

Daddy and Mummy

Lucas Lee --- 2nd Year Anniversary

To my little boy Lucas,

On this day 2 years ago, you left us. It's been 2 years and we still miss you so, if we had a choice we'd never let you go. When you left that day, you took along with you your Daddy and Mummy's love, as well as a large chunk of their hearts. At the same time, you left some things behind. You left behind your heart-broken parents and you left behind a trail of tears... you also left behind treasured happy memories of the short time we had you, and you left behind your tiny footprints in our aching hearts.

I long to know how you are, and I long to know where you are...

Are you in Heaven, or are you in the winds that caress my face and dry my tears?

I wonder how you look like, and I wonder how holding you will feel like...

Would you give me butterfly kisses, or hugs to drive away the pain?

I rejoice the day I knew of your existence, and I loathe the day you went away...

I started missing you from the day you left, and I will be missing you until the day we meet again.

Loving & Missing you Today and Always,

Daddy and Mummy

A Message from Daddy

Dear Lucas and Chloe,

I have a special message for both of you from your Daddy. He wants me to let you know that he is thinking of you and missing you very much.

Although your Daddy doesn't tend to show his emotions much, I know that deep in his heart, he is also pining for you. Do you know that there are times when we will just hold each other and sob because we miss you both?

Hope you are missing us as much as we are missing you...

With love today and always,

Mummy (& Daddy)

Just in case my babies forget...

My Dearest Lucas and Chloe,

We took this photo at Sentosa on Chloe's EDD. I wanted to show it to you in case you forget how daddy and mummy look like...

Those smiles are the guise of an unimaginable amount of heartache and pain that we feel over losing you. But those smiles are also in anticipation for the day that we reunite. Don't forget us, okay?

Missing you dearly,

Mummy

Chloe's EDD --- 14 Oct 2009

To Mummy's Princess Chloe,

Happy Birthday to you, sweet pea...

Today, Daddy and I are supposed to be holding you in our arms, but instead, we are holding you in our hearts.

Today is the that that we are supposed to 'meet' you for the first time, but who would have guessed that we already met you 3 months ago.

Today, we are supposed to be the proud, happy parents of our 2nd baby, but instead, we are the heartbroken parents of 2 angels.

Today, we are supposed to be crying with joy at your arrival, but instead, we are weeping with sadness and trying to hide from the sea of happy faces.

Today is supposed to be one of the happiest days in my life, but on the contrary, it is one of the saddest.

Chloe baby, wherever you may be now, I hope that you are together with Lucas, and you are both bonding as brother and sister, just the way it was all supposed to be. Wherever you may be now, I hope you are happy and healthy. Wherever you may be now, I hope that you know how deeply you are loved and how intensely you are being missed. Wherever you may be now, I hope you know that one day we will all be reunited.

Once again, Happy Birthday my darling princess... I am sending you butterfly kisses and tender hugs.

With lots of love today and always,

Your very heartbroken Mummy

A Letter to My Angels --- 4th Aug 2009

To my precious Angels,

It's mummy's birthday today. Sadly, mummy and daddy never had the honour of having either of you with us on our birthdays... Sadly, we will never have the chance of celebrating YOUR birthdays with you... Sadly, for the second consecutive year, mummy and daddy have spent our birthdays in tears rather than in joy...

It feels so utterly wrong and against logic that as parents, we have to mourn for the loss of our two babies and yet still be alive and well on our own birthdays. Isn't it supposed to be the other way around, i.e. the children are supposed to mourn for the death of their parents instead. If there is anything that I do or can give up in order to have you back, I will do so without hesitation.

Today, mummy received numerous 'Happy Birthday' greetings from well-meaning friends and family, and each time I heard it, my heart cracked little bit more. How is my birthday going to be 'happy' when both of you are not by my side? How can I be happy when my heart is numb from the pain of losing you? To put it simply, how can I ever be 'happy' again in this lifetime?

I have told your daddy not to buy me any present because I have everything I can possibly need, and as for the things that I want, he (or anyone else) cannot give me. You know what I want my sweet darlings? I only wanted you... Nothing more, nothing less.

As long as I live, you will live in my heart;

As long as I live, you will be remembered;

As long as I live, you will be loved.

Missing you, my sweet angels...

Love Always,

Mummy