It's been a super crazy week at work. Feeling helpless and breathless. Here's the current state of my life in 3 short sentences...

"At work, you think of the child you have left at home. At home, you think of the work you've left unfinished. Such a struggle is unleashed within yourself. Your heart is rent." - Golda Meir.

Little bun and his BFF

It never fails to warm my heart to see how gentle Hershey is with little bun. Sometimes her affections are a one-sided affair, but she certainly doesn't give up! I hope these 2 will continue to 'live in harmony'!!

Missing My Boys...

It feels soooooo wrong to go to bed without little bun tucked snugly into my side and letting his unqiue, sweet baby smell lull me to sleep. It also feels sooooo wrong to wake up in the morning without looking at his gummy grin.

Counting down the hours till I get back home to my husband and son. Missing my 2 boys like crazy!!!

(Mental note to self - No more business trips, no matter how short it is!!) 

Home Is Where The Heart Is

I don't quite know how it happened and what posessed me to agree to it (I guess I could've been on a high from chocolates)... I will be going away on my first business trip since starting work last month. I thought I'd be able to avoid travelling at least for the rest of this year until little bun is bigger, but little did I know that it'd happen less than 2 months after I start (part-time) work!! Ok, on my 2nd week back at work, I managed to wriggle my way out of a long haul (heaven forbid!!) trip, so maybe this is a compromise on my part.

It's only going to be a short 4 day trip.. was supposed to be 5 days but I opted to fly back on the night after the meeting ends. It's going to be a mad dash to the airport in rush hour Bangkok traffic. Although I will only arrive at midnight and get home at an ungodly hour where little bun will most definitely be asleep, I'd rather be at home than anywhere else.

I am planning to continue to express my milk, freeze it and bring it home with me. Admittedly, it's a rather ambitious plan on my part but I just cannot bear to toss the 'liquid gold' into the sewers!! I will be bringing a small ice box with numerous ice packs with me. I need luck.. lots of it!! Hopefully I can bring them back in good condition.

In the card that little bun gave to my mom, I traced his palm print on the card.. I quite like the idea of doing a palm and/ or foot print of little bun in all the future cards that he gives to his grandparents. It's a nice way to keep a record of his growth. In hindsight, I should have done it for him on a monthly basis from his first month onwards and keep it as a momento for myself. It's very simple really, all it requires is pencil and paper (plus someone to hold little bun and press his palm/foot onto  the paper)!

Little Bun is 7 Months Old!!

Yet another month had flown by and little bun is already 7 months old!! The past month felt like it's gone in a flash.. maybe it's because now that I have started working 3 days a week, time seems to pass quicker. 7 months ago, I carried a teeny-tiny newborn in my arms... now my teeny-tiny baby is a sturdy and active baby (and also very 'talkative'.. he can't talk yet but he sure can make hell a lot of loud babbling!!) who smiles at me every morning when he wakes up every morning, and who giggles hysterically when all I have to do is say 'hi' and smile at him.

Mark and I are soooo lucky that overall, little bun is a very happy, smiley and easy-going child. He is the ray of sunshine in our lives and what a pleasure it is to be in his company. Nowadays when Mark and I go out, it no longer feels 'right' when it's just the two of us. Although it can be quite cumbersome bringing little bun out with us everytime (because of all the stuff which we need to pack and lug around, e.g. the stroller, milk, diapers, wet wipes, dry tissue, hankies, extra sets of clothings, bibs, booties, toys, etc), we'd rather put up with the hassle than be without him. Mark and I also realized that we hardly get to hold hands anymore cos our hands are usually 'occupied'. One of us will be holding little bun while the other will be holding onto his diaper bag. Looking forward to when he is bigger and starts walking... it'd be so nice to hold his little hands as he toddles between us.

(For the record, 7 months on and still breastfeeding!!) 

I brought some work home (again) to complete and I had my trusty sidekick 'helping' me out. Unfortunately while I was busy taking these cute photos, little bun deleted some information on the slides which I had been working on!! I had to redo some parts but good thing it wasn't a lot.

Little bun: "Momma, your laptop is nom nom nom..."

Yum yum yum... I have tasty feeties!!

Mother's Day 2012

Celebrating my very first 'Mother's Day' as a 'real' mother.. I have waited too freaking long for this day. Waaaay too freaking long.

On this special day, I'm just going to relax and enjoy every single minute with little bun, and I know that my Angels are with me too. Finally, for the first time in many years, this Mother's Day is without pain and tears.

I sent Dr Anu a card earlier this week.. It's a 'thinking of you on Mother's Day' kind of card. I didn't write much, just a short and simple note that we are thinking of her and most importantly, thank her for giving me a reason to celebrate this year's Mother's Day. Just received a text message from her wishing me 'Happy Mother's Day'!

Off to write the card that I got for my mom before we go over to her place for dinner. I also got her a card on behalf of little bun. This will be the very first card she receives from little bun and I'm sure she'll be stoked!! She's as proud a Grandma as I am as a mom.

My precious and I hanging out at some coffee joint in town. Yes, I know he looks nothing like me and everything like his daddy.. (BOO!!).

Just look at that serious little expression on his face.. I love my little bun so much... **blissful sigh**.

Nom..nom..nom...

Little bun having fun and enjoying his lunch of pureed pumpkin!! He makes a terrible mess everytime but he seems to be having such a good time I try to overlook the mess. Thank goodness for the plastic bib with 'catchment' cos it saved me from washing a lot of clothes.

Liquid Gold --- Part 2

Anyway, I am very glad I invested the time and effort to investigate before I make any hasty decision due to peer pressure. I have gained a lot of insight into this breastmilk versus formula milk debate and while I don't think there is a 'right' or 'wrong' answer, I am consoled and convinced by the confirmation that exclusively breastfed babies tend to be leaner than their formula fed counterparts. The knowledge that I have gained is too vast to be shared here but the below sites provide a very good summary.

• http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4236229.stm
• http://www.breastfeedingmums.com/dr_jack_newman_slow_weight_gain.htm
• http://kellymom.com/health/growth/growthcharts/#charts

I am glad what I have been doing for little bun hasn't been in vain. Giving him breastmilk when I am a full time stay at home mom is fine, but trying to keep it going when I start working hasn't been the easiest thing to do. Ever since I have started working 3 days a week, I continued to express my breastmilk every 4 hours in the office. It wasn't easy because there is no proper nursing room in my office and in the building, plus everyday I have to bring all the necessary equipment to and fro.. the pump, the parts, the ice packs, etc. For the first few days, I actually did it in the restroom but I didn't like the thought of germs in the air contaminating my precious milk! Subsequently, I found a spare room (with see through glass) where I could do it behind the safety and privacy of... **insert drumbroll**... an opened cupboard door which shielded me from the rest of the office which had a healthy male population. It was rather awkward initially but I have since gotten used to it (and so have all my colleagues). They stopped asking me why I was hiding behind the cupboard door twice a day.

My conclusion is, I will continue to give little bun breastmilk for as long as I can (crossing fingers for no long business trips) and as long as I am still able to churn it out. Research indicated that formula fed babies gain more weight because cows' milk are not as easily digested/ broken down by babies as compared to breastmilk, and are therefore stored in the body as fats. Breastmilk is still the best source of food for babies for the first 6 months of their lives, and even better if it can be given until they reach 1 year old (mixed with semi-solids of course). Yes, babies on breastmilk are leaner and not as chubby as formula fed babies, but so long as little bun is not underweight and is thriving well, I have fine with my 'skinny' baby.

That said, I am going to adopt a more relaxed approach... should my body call it quits and stop producing milk or when the day comes when I don't produce enough to feed my baby, I will not hesitate to switch over to formula milk - without feeling guilty.

Little Bun's 1st Masterpiece (??)

This piece of abstract work was done by little bun on Mark's iPad. Basically no 'drawing' was needed.. just a few random swipes here and there with his little fingers. Well, I may love my son more than anything in the world, but I am not THAT disillusioned to think of this as a 'masterpiece'. Hehehehee..

Ok but since this is MY blog and I am an (overly) proud mother, I think little bun's first stab at drawing is a commendable effort! Plus you have to take into consideration his parents' drawings are abysmal.

Well done, my son... Mommy is soooooo very proud of you! (Hmmm... should I have it printed and framed?).

Liquid Gold --- Part 1

Recently, I was asked to put together an updated CV for work purposes and I got stuck at the bit where I had to list all my 'achievements' (this CV is something  that my employer uses to 'sell' me to potential clients). It took me a lot of time trying to come up with the things that I'd achieved work-wise during my 10 years in the workforce. I think it'd take me even longer to come up with the 'achievements' in my personal life. When time comes for me to have my one-to-one lifetime 'review' with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates (that is provided that I go to Heaven), I think I'd need even more time to list what I have achieved in my lifetime.

Undoubtedly, one of my key achievements is having little bun... plus how I have managed to reach my personal goal in keeping him exclusively on breastmilk  for the first 6 months of his life (as recommended by pediatricians).  I didn't think I'd be able to achieve it though I had maintained the 'I will breastfeed him for as long as I am able to'. Thankfully my body didn't quit on me and slightly more than 6 months later, I am still keeping up with it. While I don't produce surplus of that 'liquid gold' to feed a small starving nation (like how I read some mothers do), I make just enough (with a little spare) to cover the needs of little bun.

However recently I have been rather bothered by pressure from outside and within. My mom had commented a number of times that a neighbour's baby boy who is about a month older than little bun but he is way bigger/ chunkier/ meatier. Mom also found out that he was fed solely on formula milk. (Literature supports the finding that formula fed babies tend to gain weight quicker than exclusively breastfed babies, especially after the baby's 3rd month). I think it's the 'guilt' that's bothering me cos I don't know if  my insistence to keep little bun on an exclusive breastmilk diet had led to him not having enough nutrients and thus putting on less weight.

Anyway I don't think my mom is trying to tell me anything, but it certainly made me wonder if I am underfeeding my little boy. I have also had friends with young babies around little bun's age and they seem to be more robust looking. So the pressure is on. For the record, little bun is certainly not underweight and according to the pediatrician during little bun's last check-up in the end of Mar, little bun is right smack in the centre of both the length (height) and weight growth charts for his age. There also seems to be this notion that a chubby baby = healthy (ier?) baby.

Being the worry wart that I am, paranoia set in. I am the kind of mother who worries about anything and everything. Examples: If little bun is sleeping more, I'd worry that he's snoozing more cos he isn't well. If he doesn't poo on a particular day, I'd worry about constipation and if he poos more than usual on a certain day, I worry about diarrhea. I notice every minute detail in/on little bun.. if he so much as sneezes/ coughs/ scratches himself, I'd be on a hawk-eyed watch. You get the drift? (**insert wry grin**)

I spent the past few days (and nights) religiously reading and reviewing literature on this topic (breastmilk versus formula milk). I was prepared to either  (1) Introduce formula milk into little bun's diet by putting him on a part formula, part breastmilk diet (plus his semi-solid food too   (2) Do away with breastmilk completely.

.. to be cont'd...

"Maaaa" is for...

Since Sunday Mark and I had noticed that little bun has been making a sound repeatedly, and it sounds like "maaaaa". I am convinced that my efforts in teaching him to say 'mummy' has paid off.."Maaaa" is the first syllable in 'mummy' right? Before I had the chance to rejoice, Mark corrected me. He said that little bun's "maaaaa" is actually the prelude to 'Mark'! (As in "Maaaaaaark").

Awwwww-right... whatever.

Back to work today... but at least this is a very short week for me (only 1 work day!!) because of 2 public holidays coupled with the fact that I don't work on Mondays and Fridays. Additionally, I have taken Thursday off as my mom had to go for a medical appointment, hence couldn't take care of little bun. I don't mind at all cos I need every excuse I can get to spend time at home with him (ermm.. does this make me a bad employee from my employer's perspective?).

It's so hard to drag myself away from the 'smiling magnet' that is my son... When I am away from him, I miss his unique scent. It's almost like a drug... almost... I love to smell his head as much as I love to smell the paw pads of Huskee and Hershey. Yes, I do like to smell the paw pads of my doggies.