Cervical Cerclage

I didn't get the good news that I was hoping for yesterday and have been feeling extremely bothered and worried sick ever since. The length of my cervix had shortened further from last week. It was 3.3cm last week and when we measured it yesterday, it was only 2.7cm... Thank goodness it is still closed and there are no signs of funneling. At 2.7cm, it is getting too close to the 'danger' level of 2.5cm, hence Dr Anu made the decision to put in an emergency cerlage for me next week. The earliest slot that she managed to get the operating theatre is on Tue, 02 Aug and I'd need to stay warded for a couple of days after the surgery so that they can monitor my condition.

Initially when Dr Anu first brought up the subject of putting in a cervical cerclage for me in April, I was so glad when we decided to adopt the 'wait and see' approach cos my cervical length had been at a healthy 4.5cm for many weeks. Unfortunately it didn't stay that way and now it seems very necessary to have the stitch put in. Although I am extremely concerned about the possible risks involved (ranging from premature labour to premature rupture of membranes to infection of the cervix, etc), Dr Anu's advice is that at the rate my cervix is shortening, it's just a matter of time before history repeats itself like in the case of Chloe.

It seems like Mark and I really aren't left with any other options... we are caught in a tight spot between a rock and a hard place. It is a risk that we have to take and then pray really hard for the best outcome. I just can't believe how close I am now to reaching the 'safety zone' and then this has to happen... I only need another 4 to 6 weeks for little bun to remain inside me!!!! It is so damn frustrating!!!! Anyway, all there is left to do now is keep our fingers crossed and pray that the surgery will go smoothly; that there won't be any adverse effects; that the stitch will help to keep my cervix intact and keep little bun in me for a long time more.

*** Dear God, please watch over little bun and I during this trying period and may you keep us under your watchful care for the next couple of weeks.***

I wonder what today's checkup and scan will bring... I hope there will be good news about my cervical length, or at the very least, that there won't be any bad news. At the very least, I am hoping that its length remained the same as last week and hasn't shortened any further. I had a brief discussion on this topic with my haematologist when I saw her on Tuesday, and basically this is what she recommended:

1. Not to lift or carry anything heavy
2. Not to exert myself when in the toilet (I guess she means poo-pooing)
3. To try and sit/lie down when sneezing
4. Avoid squatting
5. Bed rest as much as possible

That scary, mixed feeling is back again... it is the feeling of excitement in seeing little bun versus the fear of not knowing if everything will continue to be alright. ***fingers crossed***

I chanced upon the following products by Clarins, which came highly recommended in a forum by women who are currently in the final leg of their pregnancies or recently given birth. Admittedly, while I have definitely used some products by Clarins on and off, I have never heard of these products before since I have mostly been using Clinique products through the years.

The 2 products which caught my interest are the 'Stretch Mark Control' and 'Body Treatment Oil', that would aid in prevention of formation of stretch marks which may or may not be caused by pregnancies. From the description of the products, their end purpose seem rather simiilar, just that one is cream-based while the other is oil-based. I think I'm more inclined on the cream-based product even though the oil-based one may be more effective cos #1) I'd think the cream-based one will be cheaper #2) I don't quite fancy the oily feeling on my body and my clothes sticking to my belly... (hmmm.. I wonder if my clothes would ignite if I stand too near the stove while making dinner?? Ok, that's a bad thought!!).

To be honest, so far little bun's been extremely kind to mummy because I have **knocking hard on wood** no signs of stretch marks YET. I recall that even at around 20weeks when I was expecting Chloe, I started getting stretch marks started at both sides of my belly and it was itching like crazy, especially in the night. I am guessing it could be because I have not put on a lot of weight this time, hence my belly hasn't started stretching too much yet... Or perhaps since my belly had already been stretched before (i.e. you know how new rubber bands are like; taunt and unyeilding), it is coping better now that it has lost its elasticity (think of a used rubber band).

** Dear hubby, since you have been fretting over what to get for me for my birthday, which incidentally happens to be next week, how about this?? I am sure this will come in handy soon. Moreover, I think this is more practical than any handbags/ shoes/ wallets at this stage, don't you think? :) **

Naturally, as any good woman would do during shopping trips (albeit online ones), my eyes strayed and I came across the below product. It is a **ahemmm** 'Bust Firming Lotion' (I swear this product was listed under the section for 'pregnancy'). The description indicates that this product 'noticebly strengthens the bust with a tautening and toning action' (WOW). Hmmm... am I right in guessing that after pregnancy/breastfeeding, a woman's bust is expected to travel down south and hence this product would come in to save the day?

Well, jokes aside, I would embrace all stretch marks as long as little bun is alive and healthy, and of course the most importantly, delivered as close to full term as possible. I wouldn't mind at all if my boobs decide to travel south so long as I get to hold my baby in my arms and watch him/her grow up.

I think I could've/must've somehow twisted my right wrist though I am not really sure what I did to cause it cos I only started feeling the pain I woke up one morning. It's been bothering me for over a week now and the pain seems to be getting worse, especially in the mornings when I feel like I have got a 'locked wrist'. It is making it rather difficult for me to tie up my hair or do simple household chores like wringing a wet wash cloth or filling up the kettle.

I have been using my 'Deep Heat' rub but it doesn't seem to be working... it only gives me temporary relief and the pain returns once the ointment wears off. Yes, first I have got pain in my left foot, followed by weeks of numbness... now I have got a twisted right wrist!! I don't know and don't think this has got anything to do with my pregnancy, but when I complained to Mark about my sore wrist, his reply to me was 'Are you complaining?'. I am not complaining, just whining for a little bit of attention and some TLC from my husband, who seems to be too busy with work lately to give me some quality time. (I think even Hershey is feeling neglected by her 'alpha male').

IVIG (#5)

I just got home after my IVIG session #5... I am afraid I don't quite understand how one can feel so worn out just by lying there for over 4 hours, but yes, it does happen and it is happening to me. Feel like I have just completed a marathon... possibly a triathalon even.

They 'stole' 5 big vials of my blood today prior to the infusion and if the results of the blood work is good, then this could very well be my fifth and final IVIG!! Hip Hip Hooraaaay.... I am trying to keep my happiness in check before I allow myself to do the happy dance cos it all still depends on how the my blood test results turn out. It'd be REALLY great if this is indeed my last IVIG infusion... Frankly, the monthly bill that I have chalked up on this treatment is astronomical.

I may have been worried that I am not gaining much weight, but I just realized that this is a 'blessing in disguise' in some way cos the cost of each IVIG dosage is dependent on my weight, i.e. the more weight I put on, the more medication is required, hence the higher the cost. Since the amount of weight I put on thus far isn't much, the cost of each infusion had remained fairly much the same from start.

The checkup didn't go as well as I'd have wanted it to. Over the course of the week, the length of my cervix had shortened by over 1cm. While 1cm may seem insignificant, it represents 24%. Just a week ago, it was around 4.3cm.. this week it only measure in at around 3.3cm. Ideally, anything over 2.5cm is still acceptable, but since little bun is still quite a long way off from being full term, I'd really have preferred if the length remained above 4cm for as long as possible (usually if the cervix gets too short, it is an indication of pre-term labour).

Dr Anu didn't seem overly worried at this stage but said that we'd have to continue to closely monitor the length for any signs of further (God forbid!!) shortening. The length of the cervix may 'fluctuate' during pregnancy, so there's still hope that it'd maintain at the current lenth or hopefully lengthen until little bun reaches full term.

I have been reading up on this topic (naturally!!) and seems like the only thing which may help is bedrest This is more of a common sense thing than a medical thing cos lying down alleviates gravitational pressure from the cervix. While I have not reached the 'critical' stage and the doctor hasn't ordered strict bedrest for me, I am determined to spend the whole of next week in bed as much as possible. Hopefully when time comes for the scan next Friday, the length will maintain/improve.

That said, little bun's development is thankfully still on track. I got a lovely scanned picture of his/her left profile and in my own very biased opinion, my baby is so cute!!! From the picture, I can confirm now that little bun definitely has Mark's nose, this was concurred by Dr Anu and her nurse (it's a good thing cos Mark's nose has a higher bridge than mine).

For now, I am still working hard to keep the faith and pray for the best. Please, please, please let things go smoothly.

Finally Dr Anu is back from her vacation!!! I can't wait for my appointment with her (and little bun) later... somehow I feel comforted in knowing that she's back and will be 'looking after' me and little bun again. **whew**

I am due for my 5th dosage of IVIG next Tuesday... it almost slipped my mind, if not for the SMS reminder from the hospital this morning. Can't believe that a month had passed since my last IVIG... I guess it is a good thing that time is passing quickly and without incident, there's nothing more I can possibly ask for. My 6th and final IVIG will be in late August and after that, I think little bun will pass the 'safety hurdle' that both Dr Anu and I are aiming for.

It'd be good to finally be able to breathe a small sigh of relief at that stage, but I don't think I will be able to rest easy until I am holding a healthy and brawling little bun in my arms.

Where flowers bloom so does hope...

I could hardly believe my eyes when I saw the flowers blooming from my barely alive potted palm!! We bought this plant when we first moved in 3 years ago. At that time, the plant , a yellow palm, was robust looking and over 2 metres tall. Through the years, it's been reduced to only half its height and most of the leaves have been 'fried' by the direct sunlight that shines onto the balcony of my master-bedroom every morning.

Although I have been dutifully watering it daily, its condition hasn't improved much, but neither has it deteriorated... hence I didn't have any excuse to dump it since it was still surviving. What a pleasant surprise it gave me the other morning when I saw the small, purple-hued blooms! (Actually I didn't even know that these type of plants can have flowers...) The blooms have been there for over a week already and it cheers me up everytime I look out my bedroom.. the pretty speckle of purple nestling amongst the greens (and browns).

I have never had much success with plants.. I didn't inherited my mom's green fingers unfortunately. This tiny blossom is my first 'success' ever. Hope that it is a good sign of the things to come.

"Where flowers bloom so does hope"

We finally broke THE news to my parents on Mark's birthday. It was unplanned... I received an SMS from my mom in the morning asking if I was alright and why haven't I gone home for such a long time. I felt bad for making her worry and for having kept something so important from them. After discussing with Mark, we decided to pop over to my parents place to break the news to them because we have run out of excuses and my little bump is becoming rather obvious.

Mark left me to the task while he 'escaped' to another corner of the house (Thanks, honey!).

I think my mom had been suspecting all these while, so she wasn't overly surprised when I told her 'Ma, I'm pregnant'. Her first reaction was a grin, followed by 'Why don't you tell me only when you are due?'. Then it was followed by a torrent of questions - 'How many weeks?', 'When is the baby due?', 'Do you know the gender?', 'Are your checkups ok?', etc. The interrogation session was then followed by a list of 'Do's and Don'ts' i.e. Do drink more milk, do rest more, do eat more nutritious food, do not lift heavy things, do not walk/ go out too much, etc... Admittedly, it feels good to be fussed over! I was grilled for quite a while and I am still getting questions via SMS!!

I can't hope and pray enough that I will not disappoint my parents this time... I have already given them false hopes the past 3 times so I really hope this time will the time where they get to hold their first grandchild. It's really about time that I stop disappointing my parents and bring some much needed and long awaited joy into their lives.

I presented these 2 envelopes to Mark yesterday as part of his birthday present. I have prepared this 'present' over 3 weeks ago when the scan revealed little bun's gender. On the day before the scan, I prepared 2 cards, a light pink one with the word 'GIRL' and a pale blue one with the word 'BOY'. During the scan, I requested the sonographer not to tell me the gender, but to put the corresponding card into the black envelope (I chose black cos it is impossible to see through it and thus prevent any chance of me trying to steal a peek to confirm my guess!!). The remaining card was placed into the red envelope. I have kept these 2 envelopes in my drawer and have resisted the urge to steal a peek... pretty darn proud of myself!!

I told Mark that the choice to look or not look was entirely his. After a brief moment of contemplation, he decided to stick to his initial decision to keep it unknown for now (or until he cannot withstand the suspense any longer).

To My Darling Hubby,

Today is a very special day... it is the day that my best friend was born. My best friend who also happens to be my husband, my love and my better half. You are the only one who can make me laugh out of a bad mood, who can melt my heart with just one kiss, who stands by me through thick and thin and the one who makes me a better person. No matter what gift I give to you today, I can never match up to what was given to me in the form of you.

I hope that I will be the lucky girl who will walk hand in hand with you even after our hair turns silver. I don't know how this is even possible, but I love you more and more with every passing year. What I have in you is what every girl in the world is searching for.

Happy Birthday, Darling... May there only be joyful tears in your life from this moment on.

With Love,

Your Wifey

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Your Angels in heaven want you to know that you are the best daddy they can ever hope for, and that they will be watching over you, protecting you and loving you from where they are in heaven.

Happy Birthday, Daddy Dearest...

I only got to see the top of little bun's head during the checkup yesterday when the sonographer was scanning for the length of my cervix and little bun's head was just lying right on top of my cervix. The new replacement doctor didn't do any ultrasound like what Dr Anu would usually do... she only used a fetal doppler to listen to little bun's heartbeat. So happy and relieved to hear the strong, rhythmic beating of little bun's heart.

I also took the opportunity to check with the doctor about my weight gain... I've only put on 4kg so far, and this is a whole 2.5kg lesser than when I was carrying Chloe at the same gestational period. According to the internet, I should have put on around 5.5kg-6kg. Anyway, the doctor didn't seem overly concerned and assured me that most of the weight gain will come on quickly during the last trimester. I sure hope so... I really hope that I am not depriving little bun of any nutrients during this very important stage of his/her growth. Even Mark noticed that for this pregnancy, there is hardly any signs of weight gain on the rest of my body, other than my tummy. During Chloe's time, my weight gain was very visible on my face and arms.

As little bun continues to grow , he/she is taking up more space inside me. I think my uterus is now lying partially on my bladder, which gives me an urge to pee even if I have just emptied my bladder. This is made worse especially if I am standing or walking... I lost count of the number of times I visited the washroom while I was out yesterday!!

Going off soon for my appointment with little bun!! I hope he/she has grown since last week cos my weight had remained strangely constant for the past 1 month. Little bun weighed slightly over 400g when I did my scan 2 weeks ago, and accordin to literature that I have read on the internet, he/she should be putting on between 70g-100g each week. This means that little bun should be weighing around 550g now. Can't believe how light that is... like a large mango.. or umm.. 5 packets of the 100g salted plums that I have been eating.

I came across this information on the internet - At this present stage where I am in, there is only a small chance that little bun can survive outside my womb. For the next 4 weeks, every additional day that little bun remains in my womb increases his/her survival rate by approximately 3%. After that, the survival rate jumps to 80-90 percent. THAT is exactly what I am going to aim for.. and anything more than that will be a true blessing.

Apparently many other factors can affect the chances of a baby's survival in the event of a premature (God, I truly hate this word!!) birth. If membranes (aka waterbag) rupture prior to 24 weeks, the baby has less of a chance than if the membranes stay intact (due to the likelihood of infection). (Sigh... this is exactly what happened with poor, sweet Chloe... she wasn't even given the chance to fight for her life because my waterbag broke at exactly 24 weeks when I was pregnant with her. To be able to reach and successfully pass the 24 weeks mark is going to be a true milestone for me.)

Begging for additional strength, conviction and faith to see little bun and I sail uneventfully through the days till the end of August.

Friends of ours (a couple) suggested on going away together for a short break over the weekend just before National Day. We are thinking of either going to a resort in Bintan, Indonesia or somewhere in Malaysia, possibly Port Dickson. I thought it'd be quite a fun thing to do, and Mark can use this time to chill and unwind from work as he'd been quite busy and stressed up lately. If this pregnancy goes as planned, this will also be the last 'couple holiday' for Mark and I.

Mark and I had been discussing it over the past 2 days. While I am rather interested to go for it, Mark isn't keen on the idea because he is worried about little bun and I. Frankly, his worry is not totally unfounded. The unspoken question between us is - What if something happens when we are in a foreign country?

Up till now, we still have not gotten back to our friends with an answer yet. How??

After 'complaining' about my interrupted sleep in the previous post, I had a surprisingly good and uninterrupted night of sleep yesterday, i.e. no tossing and turning, no waking up in the wee hours for my pee break, no Hershey jumping onto the bed and flopping down on my leg/legs, no snoring orchestra beside me, etc. I slept through the night soundly until Mark woke me up early this morning to go for my appointment at the Diabetic Clinic.

Previously my appointment with the doctor at the Diabetic Clinic is once every fortnight. Today, the doctor agreed to lengthen it to every 3 weeks because he said I have been behaving myself and watching my diet. So far the blood glucose level (bgl) reading that I take at home 3 days per week for 7 times a day is looking pretty decent. The 'summary' report of my bgl for the past 3 months is 5.4, which is in the 'ideal' range. I was sent home with a 'Please continue to do what you have been doing and watch your diet carefully'.

Am pretty pleased with the outcome and will definitely do my best to continue to control my cravings... Actually I was just telling Mark the other day that I know for sure my 'cravings' are not pregnancy-related. Rather, my 'cravings' are really me being greedy and wanting to eat things that I know I should not and cannot eat, e.g. ice-cream, frozen yoghurt, durians (this is an on-going one), cakes, chocolates. Good thing that I am not hankering for fizzy drinks although I was told that I can have Coke Light or Coke Zero. I guess in this instance, mine is a 'mental issue' more than anything, and definitely a case of 'mind over matter'!! Before I was told that I have gestational diabetes, I have never thought of eating these things (other than durians).

Credit also has to go to Mark because he is sooooo strict in monitoring my diet. There had been times when I wonder if he's trying to starve me to death...

I am getting closer and closer to the stage of the pregnancy where I lost Chloe, and admittedly I am getting increasingly worried about it. I desperately need to cross this hurdle uneventfully and keep at it for at least another 6 to 8 weeks thereafter in order to give little bun a good chance at survival. Unfortunately, there can be no compromise... anything lesser that, we'd most certainly lose little bun. Now that we have gotten this far in the pregnancy, we are reaching the 'make it or break it' stage where it'd make all the difference between holding an angel or holding a baby. The stakes are high and while I am prepared to do the best I can for little bun,at all cost, most of it is beyond my control and it is in the control of the big guy up there.

For the last 10 odd days, I have been waking up at around 4am to 5am and unable to fall back to sleep until daybreak. Wonder if it is because I am stressed over this. I am praying fervently for another uneventful 2 months ahead...

The good news is my cervical length remains unchanged, i.e over 4cm and there's no funneling. The other news is I didn't get to see the new doctor. Well, it certainly wasn't from the lack of effort on my part. I waited for over an hour to see her (excluding the 1 hour I had already waited to do my cervical scan), and when it was reaching my turn, the nurse said that the doctor had to go off to deliver a baby and I would have to wait until she gets back before she can see me.

Rather than waiting on indefinitely (I have no clue how long it'd take to deliver a baby, but from the little that I do know, I am sure it's not going to be over in 30min), I opted to cancel the appointment and reschedule it for the following Thursday. Anyway the important thing is that my cervical length had been checked and it is looking decent, my blood pressure is good, I saw little bun moving about and I heard his/her heartbeat (which sounds to me like a horse galloping).

Little bun and I shared a very special and magical moment last evening. I was reclining in bed watching TV while waiting for Mark to return home from work and I felt little bun moving around a fair bit inside my tummy. Over the past fortnight, I have noticed that little bun is usually more active in the evenings and just before my bedtime.

Anyway, I was absent-mindedly stroking and patting my tummy when I felt a vigorous movement from little bun, just like he/she was responding to my patting!! I looked down at my belly and I could actually see little jerking movements going on right under my skin... my belly had a life of its own (well, literally speaking, my belly does indeed have a life of its own)!! This to-ing and fro-ing between little bun and I went on for a few seconds while I stared at my belly in amazement. I actually giggled out aloud because it looks and feels so strange, yet so magical.

I am thankful that little bun and I had shared this special bonding moment over the skin (ok, and fats) of my tummy... It is a truly wonderful feeling, and a moment that I'd always treasure.

Got to get ready to go for my appointment with little bun soon... I do feel a bit uneasy about the check-up today because 1) I'd be seeing another doctor and not my usual security blanket, i.e. Dr Anu 2) Mark woke me up this morning to tell me something rather unsettling. He reads his horoscope every morning while going through papers and he told me that his horoscope today does not bode well on the home front. Hmmm.....

Mark read the post that I had put up on Monday about me coming up with a list of potential names for little bun. This earned me a rare, reproachful stare plus a short 'lecture' from him. He told me in no uncertain terms that I should give it a rest for now and start thinking about it only when things are stable. Guess he doesn't want to jinx things now that we are at a rather crucial stage of the pregnancy.

Little bun's naming project will be shelved for the next 8 weeks.

My weekly meeting with little bun is slightly delayed this week from Tuesday to Thursday because Dr Anu went on vacation and the other doctor whom I am supposed to see during her absence only conducts clinics on Thursdays. Although the wait is only 2 days, I already feel that it's too much to bear!! I guess it's very comforting whenever the check-up and scan goes well as it is an assurance to me on little bun's well-being. Too many things can go wrong, and being the paranoid person that I am, I conjure up new things to fret over on a daily (no, make it hourly) basis.

I had a rare outing by myself earlier today (with Mark's reluctant consent). After barely 30 minutes of walking around, I had a sudden attack of dizzy spell which scared me. I rarely get dizzy, and this episode was so bad and so sudden that I was almost going to ask someone around me for help. Alas, there wasn't anyone near me cos it was rather early and the mall was still quiet. I was feeling breathless and suffocated, broke out in cold sweat, felt nauseous, etc... made it to a bench and sat there for a while to recover. Was rather puzzled by it but I guess it's probably low sugar or perhaps the ventilation of the mall wasn't good since they just opened.

I don't know what made me realize it sbsequently, but I discovered the reason for my 'fainting spell'. I was wearing a top from my pre-pregnancy days, and it was rather snug around the chest/upper abdomen area. When I put it on in the morning, it still fits me comfortably, but after my breakfast with Mark, it became a bit too snug for comfort. I reckon this is what caused my fainting episode. Well, at least I have an excuse to purchase a new (loose-fitting) top!! As soon as I changed into the new top, I felt a whole lot better... I can breathe!!

Lesson learnt... sometimes I amaze myself with the crap I get myself into. This is certainly not the first time, and it definitely won't be the last either.

Names.. Names... Names.... (Part I)

I still have not found any 'inspiration' on the naming front. I am not fretting over it yet cos I hope it'd still be another couple of months before the name is needed. However, I have already started to keep a look out without Mark's knowledge, which makes things even more difficult because it means that I cannot discuss ideas/ options with him. Mark is still being very cautious about the pregnancy and while he is keeping the faith, he is reluctant to plan too much in advance. I think I am just being overly anxious and excited... and also because I know it'd take me a while to find some names that I really like and that fits all my criterion before I present the shortlisted names to Mark for discussion and selection. One of my flaws/virtues (depending on how one looks at it) is that I like to plan and prepare in advance. Admittedly, being well-prepared doesn't always work in my favour... sometimes it's better to just go with the flow.

I have already got a shortlist that I am pretty pleased with for one gender where I have a front-runner name that I really like plus some backup contenders in case Mark doesn't like what I have picked. It is the names for the other gender that is giving me a headache (and if my eyes didn't fool me, this is little bun's gender). So far nothing seems suitable... I have scoured through the internet for ideas, but haven't gotten an 'eureka moment' per se. Hence the search continues on (though it'd be a lot more helpful if Mark is open to discussion).

My criterion is quite simple actually... The name should preferably (in order of importance):

• Have got a nice meaning behind it
• Be unique but not over the top
• Complement well with the surname 'Lee'
• Have a 'money bag' alphabet (i.e. j, g, y, q)
• Be of one or two syllables

If all else fails, I think little bun may end up being named 'Lee Tle Bun' and I can call him/her 'Bunnie' in short. BOL...

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**Warning**

The rest of this post is a 'rant', just need to get things off my chest.

I have mentioned in one of my previous posts earlier this year that Mark has a bigoted friend whom I can just barely tolerate. Well, to be fair, he's always been nice and polite to me, and for Mark's sake, I always try to be friendly, courteous and I bite my tongue when what I really want to do is bite that guy's head off. Let's call him Mr 'My Balcony is Bigger than Your Living Room'. I think my issue with him stems from the following (hey, at least my biases are justified):

1. He talks/behaves very arrogantly (As you can probably tell from the nickname I have given to him) E.g. my house is worth $X amount/ it is a DBSS/ it is very big/ I only need 5 min to travel into CBD/ it's got magnificient views of the city and then of course there's the infamous 'my balcony is bigger than your living room' (what he said repeatedly to us and our other guests when we first invited him over for our housewarming)
2. He carries his wife's handbag (Yes, this is my pet peeve. How can anyone take a guy seriously when he is carrying a handbag on his shoulder??)
3. He loves to compare himself with Mark (E.g. I have got this XXX certification and you don't/ I have already reached XYZ level of this game and earned ZZ trophies, what about you?)
4. He brags a lot (I am just citing this one out of the numerous since this is one of the most recent) E.g. my brother-in-law is giving me this set of expensive speakers for my new home.. blah blah blah... If I were Mark, I'd have responded "Oh good, then you can amplify the sound of your own voice when you are blowing your own trumpet".)
5. He likes to talk down to people who he deem are 'inferior' to him

Well, he and his wife recently had a baby and they named her 'Charlotte'. It is a name that I have always liked (right after 'Chloe'). I favour girl names that begin with 'C' or 'Ch' because it is the first 2 initials of my maiden name (and I favour boy names that begin with 'L' because Mark's surname is 'Lee', which explains Lucas' name). I also like 'Charlotte' because I find it very sweet and girly, and I really like the character of Charlotte in 'Charlotte's Web' ever since I read it in school. When I was asked to come up with a name for my god-daughter earlier this year, 'Charlotte' was one of the 2 shortlisted options. It was actually the front-runner, but both my brother-in-law and Mark preferred 'Rynnae', hence we settled on that.

Admittedly, at the back of my mind, this is one of the few shortlisted names I had in mind for little bun (assuming if it's a 'girl bun'). Obviously now this has to be scrapped. Bummer... talk about coincidence. Hmmmph!!!

Goodbye June... Hello July

Goodbyeeeee June... Helloooo July!!!

Mark and I (and even Dr Anu) have been walking on eggshells for all of the 30 days in June cos based on our track record, June is not the best time of the year for us. Thankfully, we have been very blessed and the month of June 2011 was smooth and uneventful. With that said, of course this does not mean that we can be complacent cos we are fully aware that anything can happen at anytime, especially when we least expect it.

I have actually subconsciously segmented this pregnancy into portions of 'hurdles to pass'... e.g. the first hurdle will be to locate the heartbeat and know that there is indeed a live foetus inside my womb AND implanted at the correct place/ to sail through the 1st trimester and proceed into the 2nd trimester/ to pass the OSCAR screening/ to be able to pass 14 weeks (the stage of pregnancy where I lost Lucas)/ to 'survive' the month of June 2011/ to pass the 20 weeks detailed screening/ to progress into the 3rd trimester/ to pass 24 weeks (the stage of pregnancy where I lost Chloe)/ to reach at least 28 to 30 weeks (the stage of pregnancy where little bun will have a good chance of survival outside of my womb/ to pass the 32 weeks screen/ etc... (I have learnt not to count my chickens before they are hatched, so I stopped planning too far ahead).

I hope July will be as smooth and as non-eventful as June. ***crossing fingers***