Mark gave me yet another surprise about a week ago with a pair of tickets to the Kylie Minogue 'Aphrodite' concert. Frankly, I am NOT a Kylie fan... have never been. I don't dislike her whatsoever, but to me, she's just another singer. Although Mark claims that he bought it for me, I think secretly he is the one with the 'Kylie crush'.

It was a 1 day only event which fell on a weekday, i.e. yesterday. We reached the concert venue early to beat the crowd... initially I didn't expect there'd be many people since it was mid-week, but boy was I wrong!! It was full house!! There was a large Caucasian crowd and majority were Australians (could tell from their accent).

Overall the slightly over 2 hour concert was fun and full of energy. It's amazing how petite and puny Kylie is, and yet she is a whole bundle of energy. Oh yes, and she's got a really cute and pert derrière (I am jealous). The audience was on their feet for most part of the concert dancing to the music... Honestly, I did feel rather out of place there. It's like a pregnant woman should be at home resting and watching TV rather than attend a pop concert with (very) loud music and people all around her dancing and gyrating to the music. I was at one stage pretty worried about poor little bun's developing eardrums, though of course the amniotic fluid should be a good sound barrier. (Hmmm, if all goes well with little bun, we can one day tell him/her that "Hey, did you know that you attended Kylie Minogue's concert when you were still in mummy's belly?') Anyway, Mark and I did spot a number of pregnant women around us in the crowd who all seemed to be having a blast.

********************************************************************

The call that I have been waiting for from Dr Anu finally came this morning. It had been bothering me and had been the niggling voice at the back of my mind ever since Tueday evening. I am clear!! I don't have any infection!! Yipeeee..... haaaaaaa.... I can finally beathe a sigh of relief. Thank you God, for guiding us through another little hurdle!

Scan + IVIG (#4)

Yesterday's hectic schedule totally knocked me off my feet... I can't even remember the last time I left the house in the morning and returned after sundown after I quitted my job. I think even Hershey was pissed that she was left alone at home for so many hours!! Mark picked me up from the hospital after work and by the time we reached home, it was already past 7pm. Showered, had dinner, watched a bit of telly, chatted with Mark about the day's happenings and promptly fell asleep. I didn't even wake up for my usual pee break in the middle of the night. I slept soundly through all the way till ummm... 11am.

Unfortunately, I woke up with a ache on my head/neck/shoulders. I reckon it must be from yesterday's IVIG (noticed that this is the 'side effect' that I get the day after the infusion). Nothing that a panadol (or 2) won't cure. **I just received a call from the Staff Nurse (the one from the IVIG infusion centre who bought me lunch previously). She said that the haematology doctor asked her how my scan with little bun went and the Staff Nurse decided to call me to check!! She sounded happy and relieved when I told her that it went well. I am so touched by this little gesture where these medical professionals remember me amidst their busy schedule. Makes me feel so loved and cared for...(oh and the Staff Nurse is guessing that I am expecting a boy bun. Seems like the votes for a boy bun are growing!!).**

I had to wait for over an hour for my turn for the scan. It was a totally nerve wrecking 60 minutes and I couldn't even compose myself enough to read the magazine that I had with me. I just sat there and fidgeted non-stop. Not sure if it is because little bun felt my uneasiness cos he/she was moving A LOT during that time. I could feel some serious movements from little bun when I laid my palm over my belly. It was somewhat of an assurance to me... like he/she is saying "Hi mummy.. I am here with you and I am fine".

It is so amazing how detailed these scans are nowadays. I got a rather clear picture of little bun's side profile (from the looks of it, little bun has got daddy's nose!). The sonographer explained to me each step along the way and described to me each part she was examining while she was taking measurements... I saw little bun's heart, kidneys (at least that's what the sonographer said it was cos I honestly couldn't tell), brain, stomach, skull, spine, facial features (the odds of cleft lip is low), extremities, etc. According to the report that was handed to Dr Anu, little bun's measurements are all within the normal range and it is aligned with little bun's gestational age (Thank you, God!). Dr Anu is pleased that little bun isn't too big (it is common for women with gestational diabetes to have big babies, and this can result in complications for both mother and child during labour).

Since it's already been a month after my last swab test, we did a swab test yesterday and Dr Anu said she'd call me with the results today. I am rather anxious while waiting for her call because Dr Anu said she had noticed some discharge while taking the swab. While it could be totally normal, it could also be an indication of an infection (Ahhhh..... Nooooooooo.....).

After yesterday's appointment, Dr Anu will be going away for the next 3 weeks and I will be seeing her colleague until she returns in the 3rd week of July. Although Dr Anu assured me that she'd already briefed her colleague about my case, I can't deny that I am not worried about seeing another doctor. Seeing Dr Anu weekly has somehow already become a 'comfort blanket' for me, and I have 100% trust in her that she'd do whatever is best for me and little bun.

Anyway, I really hope things will continue to be smooth for at least the next 2-3 months. That's the time that I need for little bun to have a fighting chance at survival outside of my womb. Each little step/test that little bun and I pass is a blessing, so I am very grateful that yesterday's scan results were good.

It is going to be a loooong, loooong day for me tomorrow. I will be spending the entire day in the hospital because I have got 5 appointments lined up. Not sure why all my doctors only do Tuesday clinics. The bill for tomorrow will most certainly be a shocker too with IVIG and the 3 consultations.

1. 9am - Appointment with haematologist
2. 10.20am - Appointment at Diabetic Clinic
3. After the above 2 appointments are over and done with, it'd be followed by IVIG for 4-5 hours
4. 4pm - Appointment at Fetal Care Clinic for scan
5. 5pm - Appointment with Dr Anu

I am rather excited that I will be 'seeing' little bun during the scan tomorrow... it'd be somewhat different from the previous scans that I did because this one will be more thorough and the sonographer will examine little bun's organs and take measurements, check his/her spine, heart chambers, gender, etc. The location of the placenta in the uterus will also be checked (I already know from previous scans that mine is implanted at the back wall (posterior) of my uterus.

This will bring back memories of the time when I did a similar scan while expecting Chloe. I recall that it was a very special time for me then because both Mark and my mom accompanied me for the scan, and it was my mom's first 'meeting' with her grandchild. It was also the time when we knew that we were having a baby girl. Bittersweet memories.

Crossing my fingers that little bun's scan will indicate that everything is alright and that I don't have too much (or too little) amniotic fluid.

Chloe Lee - 2nd Year Anniversary

To my Precious Little Chloe,

2 years ago, we welcomed you into the world with a blend of tears of joy and the worst heartache imaginable. I held you in my arms and marveled at how perfectly formed you were at 24 weeks. I counted all your tiny fingers and toes. I watched your tiny chest heave up and down with the the few breaths that your tiny, immature lungs will ever draw. Most importantly, I held your hand and gave you little kisses. I cuddled you in my arms for a few treasured minutes before the nurses took you away. When I next saw you, they had already bundled you up and were ready to send you down to the morgue.

I can't believe that 2 years had already passed. I wish upon all wishes that you are still with us today as a happy, healthy and thriving toddler. I long to be able to put you in pretty pink dresses and braid your hair everyday. I yearn to hold you in my arms and never let go. Unfortunately, life is so unfair, it is so unkind... you were snatched away from us so cruelly and so suddenly.

I miss you so much.

I love you even more.

Loving and Missing You Everyday,

Mummy (& Daddy too)

I woke up at around 3.30am last night for a pee break and couldn't go back to sleep for quite a while. The reason is simple. I was scared. Terrified that history would repeat itself.

Exactly 2 years ago, I woke up at around 4.30am for a pee break and then went back to bed. An hour or so later, I felt a warm trickling and upon rushing to the toilet, I realized that my waterbag broke. It was also then when I knew deep down that I would lose Chloe cos I was only 24 weeks into the pregnancy. Mark's reaction when I woke him up is something that will remain etched in my mind forever. He was understandably worried and upset, but on top of it all, he was angry, not with me, but with God/fate/etc for taking away our baby yet again. My normally placid and mild-tempered husband took his frustrations out at the bathroom door (thank goodness the wood was sturdy) and the intensity of it shocked me. I have never seen such a fury in him in all our years together.

Although my waterbag ruptured on the 24th June 2009, we were blessed to be able to spend another 2 days with Chloe before I went into labour and officially lost her on the 26th. In another 2 days, it'd mark the 2nd year anniversary of us losing Chloe. We still miss her as much as ever.

I do have a habit of weighing myself the first thing in the morning right after I brush my teeth, but for some reason, I hadn't done so for the last 3 or 4 days. This morning when I weighed myself, my weight had dropped to 59.8kg. I recall the last time I weighed myself using the scale at home (sometime over the weekend), I was 60.4kg. For some reason, my weight is slightly higher (about 800g to 1kg) using the scales at the hospital, so I try and stay consistent by sticking to one scale.

I wonder what is causing the weight loss... it is rather unsettling because I am worried that lif little bun is not getting enough nutrients. I am guessing that the weight loss could be due to my recent change in diet ever since I have been diagnosed with gestational diabetes. Nowadays, I have started eating healthy and to consciously monitor my intake carbohydates and limit the amount per meal. I am also replacing a lot of my regular meals with leafy vegetables, (approved) fruits and soupy stuff. My in-between meal snacks have changed from potato chips/white bread with fruit jam to boring wholemeal bread with cheese and digestive biscuits.

Mark has also been very good (too good, in fact) at policing what I eat.. to the extent that I feel like punching him a number of times. He doesn't want me to eat any carbohydrate laden food, so I try to replace it with salads. However, he is also not supportive of me eating salads because it is raw and he is worried about e-coli (especially after the recent scare in Germany). Also, the Chinese believe that pregnant women should not eat too much raw vegetables as it is 'cooling' to the body (a pregnant lady needs to maintain a 'heaty' body). I also have to keep reminding Mark that I need at least 2 units of carbohydrate per meal (or 6-8 units daily) because I am pregnant and the developing baby needs the carb. Hence, I am allowed to eat some rice/ pasta/noodles and not banish it totally from my diet. Additionally, I was advised to take at least 2 portions of fruits per day, but my sweet hubby nags at me when he sees me munching on fruits because he says they are too sweet. Hmmmph...

It's weird how the more you are not allowed to have something, the more you yearn/ crave for it. Right now, I am so desperately craving for a bowl of clam chowder, a large plate of gnocchi pasta bathed in marina sauce, and then finish it off with durians... but I will behave and be good for the sake of my little bun.

Mark surprised me by showing up unexpectedly at the hospital yesterday cos he managed to get time off from work as he'd worked until 2am at a client's office the night before. This is the kind of surprise that I love from him (compared with the material goods kinda 'surprise'). Mark never fails to remind me to say 'hi' to little bun on his behalf whenever I go for my scans, but this time he was able to do so himself!

As usual, little bun was very active throughout the scan, and it is a relief to see his/her heartbeat beating strongly. My cervical length is still very promising so that is one less thing for me to worry about. I asked Dr Anu regarding my concern about my weight gain, and she assured me that I was on track and should be gaining more weight from the 3rd trimester on (provided if I get there!). She also said that she's actually happy that I am not gaining weight too quickly as it could be an effect of gestational diabetes, and this could mean that there is too much amniotic fluid in my waterbag. When there is too much amniotic fluid, it could result in Preterm Premature Rapture of Membranes (pPROM)... (to simplify, the waterbag is like a balloon, when you fill it up too much, it'd rupture).

This is relative to what I have been reading up on lately - Polyhydramnios and below are some known causes of this condition:

• Birth defects in the baby that affect the ability to swallow. Normally, when the fetus swallows, the level of amniotic fluid goes down a bit. This helps to balance out the increase in fluid caused by fetal urination.
• Heart defects in the baby
• Diabetes during pregnancy
• Infection in the baby during pregnancy
• Blood incompatabilities between the pregnant woman and the fetus (examples: Rh or Kell disease)

I recall that during my last antenatal checkup when I was expecting Chloe, my regular doctor went on vacation and he referred me to another doctor who did the scan for me. I can clearly remember this doctor telling me then that I had a lot of amniotic fluid and what a very good sign it was because it is an indication of a healthy baby and pregnancy. Looking back now, I am begining to wonder if this was an indication, a red alert that he failed to watch out for.

I don't know if I also had gestational diabetes when I was pregnant with Chloe because I wasn't checked for it as regularly as I was for this pregnancy, i.e. weekly. Previously, I was only checked for diabetes not more than 3 or 4 times during the entire 24 weeks, and because my appointment was always on Saturday morning, I'd go to the clinic without breakfast. Hence, my sugar level would be 'normal' because I'd fasted for over 10 hours from the night before, meaning that the results were skewed.

I guess I'd never know the real reason for losing Chloe... but at least this is something new that I'd have to watch out for now. Dr Anu is somewhat convinced that this was the main cause based on her past experience with other patients with similar problems (i.e. late trimester pPROM). But as isn't any literature/research that proves the correlation, she cannot justify it. She also said that she's got another patient who has a similar history like mine, and she's now 34 weeks pregnant.

All I can do now for myself and little bun is to continue to keep the faith. It is getting increasingly scary with each passing day because as my hopes continue to grow day by day, the fear of failure and being 'robbed' mounts. I know that I had started bonding with Lucas and Chloe right from the moment I got a positive sign on my home pregnancy kit. Throughout the earlier stages of this pregnancy, I was able to somewhat control my emotions and not bond with little bun too much. In fact, I was mostly trying to detach myself emotionally from the baby than bond with it. Dr Anu said that this was perfectly normal in my case because of what I had gone through, and it is my body/mind's way of 'protecting' me. However, now that I can feel little bun moving inside me, it is impossible to ignore his/ her presence any longer. How can any mother deny the existence of her child?

Yayyyy... it's finally Tuesday again, time for my date with little bun!! May things turn out well for us. Mark also reminded me to speak to Dr Anu about doing another swab test for me to ensure that there is no infection which may compromise the condition of the waterbag. The last swab test we did was about a month back, so in order to allay our worries, we have decided to do the test monthly.

I also need to replenish all the oral medication and injections I've got cos supplies are running low. I expect that we'd spend another small fortune at the hospital today with the regular consultation, cervical scan, medication and vitamins. Next week will be worse cos IVIG is scheduled a week from today, plus the additional scans that Dr Anu called for.

One thing that bothers a tad me is my weight. I haven't been putting on much weight this pregnancy... I mean I have definitely put on some weight, but compared to the time when I was expecting Chloe, this time the weight gain seems very little. I am still able to (barely) fit into my normal clothes too. So far I have put on around 3.5kg, compared to the time I had Chloe, I think I had put on around 5kg at the same gestation period. Wonder if my gestational diabetes has a part to play.

For the past fortnight, I have been basking in a wondrous feeling... It is the feeling of a life moving inside my belly; the feeling of little bun moving about!! Being able to feel the movement of my baby (medically referred to as 'quickening'), is one of the most amazing, exciting and memorable time for me. I LOVE that feeling.. Initially, it started out so very gently that I was unsure if it was simply gas in my stomach or a figment of my imagination. As time passes, the movement is more pronounced and frequent. Usually I feel it most when I am lying on my back. During the time I was expecting Chloe, I used to refer to it as 'butterfly kisses'.

As Mark and I were lying in bed watching a movie last night, little bun was being quite active. Hence I took Mark's hand and laid it over my lower belly to see if he could also be a part of the action. Mark was rather reluctant initially because he was concerned that he'd somehow 'injure' little bun by placing pressure on my belly. It took some convincing and after waiting for a while, he was able to feel a movement too!! However, I think he was more scared than amazed. He was worried that he'd hurt little bun or that little bun would hurt himself/ herself by moving around too much (??).

Actually Mark hasn't given me a proper hug in quite a while because he doesn't want to press against my belly (??). No amount of convincing or cajoling on my part could convince him otherwise. I guess after all the mental and emotional trauma that I have put him through in the past, he just wants to wrap little bun and I in cotton wool... I love to see this protective side of him (but it can be rather frustrating sometimes, like when he refused to touch my belly).

I am going to savour and treasure every moment of this special time between little bun and I. Every moment is a blessing, every movement is a joy.

Following my earlier post where I said I thought I know/saw little bun's gender, I have got a small handful of people actively speculating ever since. Very interestingly, an overwhemling majority are guessing that it'd be a 'boy bun' (so far I think there's only one person guessing that it's a girl). I think even Mark is leaning towards a baby boy... When I pressed him for the reason, he only said that it was his gut feeling (just for the record, Mark's 'gut feeling' is usually more wrong then right, so it'd be very interesting to see if he gets it right this time).

For the past few days, I was busy reading up on 'Polyhydramnios' which could be related to gestational diabetes. This is something new that Dr Anu and I have sort of uncovered during my last consultation, and it has become a very likely suspect for my past miscarriages. Here's yet another new concern to worry about, but it's good that at least now we are alerted to it and therefore can watch out for the symptoms.

Lucas Lee - 3rd Year Anniversary

To Mummy's Darling Little Lucas,

3 long years have passed since I first and last saw you.

3 years ago, my heart was forcefully ripped apart.

3 years ago, my life was changed forever.

3 years ago, an Angel came into my life.

For the past 3 years, not a day had passed without your name passing through my lips. Not a single day have I stopped thinking of you and missing you. I haven't stopped wondering how you would be like if you are with us today. Everytime I think of this, I feel that I have been unfairly robbed of your future, our future as mother and son and our future as a family.

Wherever you may be now, don't ever forget that Daddy and mummy will be missing you until the day we meet again... You'll always be our special firstborn, and we won't ever forget you..

With all My Love,

Mummy (and Daddy too)

Continuation of my last appointment with Dr Anu on Tuesday...

Midway through the consultation, Dr Anu advised me that she'd be going away for 2 WHOLE WEEKS in July. **Gasp of horror** Of course she is totally entitled to a vacation with her family, but this information sent my head into a major spin... OMG!! What am I going to do without her??! What should I do during those 2 weeks??! What if something happens?? (knocking on wood) **Hyperventilating** How, how, how??!!!!!! **Hysteria**

I suppose Dr Anu noticed my dilated pupils, ashen complexion and wild eyed look of horror (LOL!!) when she broke the news, so she assured me that her colleague will be looking after me for the duration while she's on vacation. This colleague of hers also specializes in high-risk obstetrics and she'd fully brief her on me and my background beforehand. I still can't say that I am fully comfortable/ convinced about it, but there isn't anything I can do. My darling husband suggested that if Dr Anu doesn't mind, maybe I can tag along with her on her vacation... Ummm.. I really doubt she or her family would like the idea of it, seriously.

Actually Dr Anu did ask if there is any other doctor in particular whom I'd like to see during those 2 weeks, and Dr T immediately came to mind!! It'd give me a legitimate excuse to see/ talk to him!! When I discussed this with Mark, I realized that there's a potential 'problem'. On top of all my medical problems now, I'd most likely have a new addition to the list... i.e. high blood pressure!! The last time I saw Dr T (as his patient) was about 1.5 years ago. When he was taking my blood pressure, my heart was beating so fast that it caused my pressure to sky rocket. I am fairly certain the same thing will happen again and he'd most likely send me off for more checks. Well, I still have 2 more weeks before I have to advise Dr Anu of my decision...

My Little Secret

Yesterday's scan showed that little bun is doing well (and my cervical length is still looking very good). The mixture of emotions of seeing little bun actively bobbing around in my belly is totally beyond words - the relief of seeing that he/she is alive and growing week by week; the excitement of seeing him/her making little movements; the fear of losing something so tiny, fragile and vulnerable; and most of all, a mother's joy and delight in knowing that there is a life growing inside of her. Each week I go through this rollercoaster ride, and I am grateful that so far Mark and I have been blessed.

While the sonographer was doing my cervical scan, she suddenly asked if I wanted to know the gender of the baby (I think at that time, little bun happened move into a position whereby his/her genitalia was visible). I was totally caught by surprise because I didn't expect to be able to find out whether I was expecting a 'Master Little Bun' or a 'Missy Little Bun' for another few weeks when we do the detailed scan. Even so, Mark and I had previously agreed that we didn't want to know little bun's gender because frankly, having a baby boy or a baby girl really doesn't matter as long as the baby is born healthy and full term. I know many parents say this when they are being asked, but for Mark and I, after losing so many babies, gender is really the last thing on our minds.

Anyway, I told the sonographer that I didn't want to know, which she said she'd indicate on my records so as to ensure that no one will accidentally reveal it to me during future scans. However, I had a split second glance at the screen just before the sonographer moved it away and I think I saw the 'answer'. I didn't do it intentionally though, but I think I have acquired this knack of being able to read those blurred and fuzzy grey, black and white images rather well. In Chloe's case, I was able to tell Mark that we were expecting a girl even before the sonographer told us. For girls you see something like 3 distinct white lines (somewhat like 3-pronged fork) and for boys, you'll obviously see a ummmm... 'package'.

I confessed to Mark that I thought I saw little bun's gender, but of course I am not 100% sure that I am right. He said that he didn't want to know, and I respect his decision so I am keeping it to myself for now. All I can say is that the 'perfect' name that I had thought of a couple of weeks back (which I didn't share with anyone, including Mark) can't be used anymore because it is of the wrong gender. I came up with that name not because I have any gender preference, but one day it just popped in my head and I love the way it sounds and its meaning. Now it's not so perfect anymore... perhaps I will share it here one day. Anyhow, just in case I am wrong, I already have a back-up name ready. Heehee...

Perhaps one day, another perfect name (this time of the correct gender) will pop up in my head. Till then, little bun will, well, remain as my little bun.

Just got home from my appointment with the diabetes doctor. He has given me another 2 more weeks to monitor my blood glucose level at home before deciding on the next course of action. The worst case scenario is I'd have to do insulin injections (twice a day, I was told). I will do my best to 'behave' and not cave in to cravings and temptations for the sake of little bun, and also cos I am not looking forward to poking more needles into myself.

In a few more hours, I will make my way back to the hospital for my appointment with Dr Anu and little bun. This is the time of the week where I spend the rest of the week looking forward and counting down to. Fingers crossed that all will go swimmingly well.

Off to take a short nap... feeling exhausted. **yawn**

Finally got to satisfy my week long craving for Sour Sally Frozen Yogurt yesterday morning. I am well aware that I have to watch my sugar intake, but naively assumed that yogurt should be ok and a healthier choice compared to ice-cream. Obviously I was wrong. Very wrong.

I took my glucose reading after I devoured the entire 'Medium' serve of my favourite yogurt and it shocked the hell out of me as it was at an all time high... Actually it was by far the highest reading I have recorded ever since I started tracking my blood glucose level 2 weeks ago.

I don't think Mark will permit me to eat it again for a reeeeeeally looooong time, but for the sake of little bun, it's definitely worth it. It is just trying to adapt and get used to my new diet (i.e. brown rice, wholemeal bread, replacing carb with white meat, etc) that is a bit painful. Sometimes it is easy to forget and eat something that is 'unapproved'. Mark has been nagging/ reminding me no end to watch what I eat. Well, at least my yogurt was good while it lasted...

Poor hubby had that same nightmare again, the one of my leaking waterbag when I was expecting Chloe. I was already finding it very strange when he suddenly reached out to stroke my belly in the early hours of the morning cos normally he's a very sound sleeper who will not wake up until his body clock activates 5 to 10 minutes before 7am.

I don't know why he keeps having 'that' dream, and I feel so guilty for putting him through this traumatic experience. It's like having to go through the worst moment of your life over and over again.

Mark can be rather 'creative' sometimes. In a stroke of ingenuity, he rearranged some of the ornaments we have on display. This is his explanation for the new layout: He said that we already have 3 Angels, each represented by one of the cherubs. He doesn't want us to have any more Angels henceforth, thus he is putting a 'fullstop' to it by placing the Swarovski baby pram (given to us by my sister after we lost Chloe) on the parchment that the cherubs are looking at. In a way, Mark says that it looks like our Angels are watching over little bun to ensure that their little brother/sister is safe and well.

I do like Mark's interpretation of it, so I left it the way it was.

Little bun was very active yesterday afternoon. He/ she was wriggling about and kept changing positions when Dr Anu was trying to take some measurements. It took Dr Anu a while before she managed to get all the measurements that she wanted, which was fine with me cos I got to see little bun for a while longer! Little bun's development is on track so far, and my cervical scan showed that the condition of my cervix is still looking good. There are no signs of shortening and/or funneling.

There was a memorable moment for me yeaterday while we were doing the cervical scan. The sonographer was trying to show us little bun, and the position that we found him/her in was a position very familiar to me. Little bun had one arm stretched and raised above his/her head, somwhat like 'Superman-in-flight'. In many of Mark's toddler photos (which his mom showed to me), he was always in the same one arm raised Superman-in-flight position and I am always teasing him about it (I am also guessing that my husband's favourite childhood hero must have been Clark Kent).

This again brings back memories of the time we saw Chloe on the scan and she was suckling on her thumb. It was so 'me' because when I was little, I sucked on my right thumb to put myself to sleep until I went to primary school (I even have a scar on my thumb to prove this), and my mom used to threaten me that my classmates would laugh at me if they found out. Bittersweet memories of my little princess...

Again counting down the hours until I see little bun later... Mark took the afternoon off so that he can go with me, so he'll get to see little bun too. It's been a few weeks since Mark last saw little bun (except in the ultrascan printouts that I bring home after each appointment).

As per my previous visits, I will have my cervical scan done as well. I think Dr Anu will also review the glucose readings that I took last week. I reckon she won't be too pleased with what I present her.

My glucose reading yesterday was appallingly high. It didn't really come as a total surprise to be as I wasn't really watching what I eat. Since it was a Sunday, Mark and I usually eat out, and it is a lot harder to watch my diet when I am eating out as opposed to when I am at home and can closely control my diet.

Oh yes, a sizeable part of my left molar chipped off yesterday while I was eating cornflakes. However, I don't think it was the cornflakes that caused it... it probably was already damaged cos I have been eating a fair bit of almonds lately (I read somewhere that almonds are good for a baby's developing brain, hence have been snacking on them). The cornflakes possibly are just the straw that broke the camel's back. The left side of my tongue is a bit raw because it keeps rubbing against the sharp, newly chipped edge.

I find it rather coincidental that I always encounter dental issues while I am pregnant! While I was pregnant with Lucas and Chloe, I had to make emergency dashes to the dentist both times because the toothaches (molars on different sides) were killing me. This time, I am quite determined put up with whatever discomfort and NOT go to the dentist... hopefully I can break the 'trend' and have a better outcome to this pregnancy. I am also wondering if this is a sign of my lack of calcium since I hardly drink milk. Hmmmm....

When I saw Dr Anu 2 weeks ago, she added a new medication for me. It was a progesterone pill which I was supposed to insert vaginally. Progesterone is a primary hormone that is crucial for the maintenance of all pregnancies, and one can either take the pill orally and/or insert it vaginally. I do both on a daily basis.

Last night, I gave myself a big scare in the middle of the night. The pills that are meant for insertion are to be done at night (I guess movement is less since I'd be lying down and it enables the drug to flow up the uterus rather than out of the body). Well, I don't think I inserted the 2 pills deep enough so there was a 'backflow' and in the small hours of the morning, I felt a familiar trickling feeling. I am especially in tune and alert to this feeling (for all the wrong reasons) because that was how it felt when Chloe's waterbag broke! I lept out of bed and ran to the toilet, fearing the worst.

After a frightful few minutes in the toilet, I remembered about the 2 pills and it dawned on me then that it could've been them causing the 'leak'. I went back to bed, but for the following 2 hours, I laid there with my eyes wide open and mentally alert to any wetness/ leaky feeling. I also lost count of the number of times I went back to the toilet to 'check and make sure'.

Throughout all of this, Mark remained blissfully sound asleep beside me cos he had a work function the night before and drank a fair bit. I am sure if he had known, it'd have freaked him out big time cos until this day, he still tells me how clearly he remembers the time when I was expecting Chloe and I woke him up to tell him that my waterbag broke. That incident have somewhat 'traumatised' him to a large extent.

I really hope I'd never, ever have this feeling again... at least not for the next 4 months. I really want this pregnancy to go well and smoothly. I want this baby so badly.

Yesterday's post breakfast reading was atrocious... The pre breakfast reading was 5.2, which is within range (4.4 to 5.5), but the reading that was taken 2 hours later was a horrendous 8.5 (should be below 6.6)!! All I had was 2 slices of wholemeal bread (1 unit of carb per slice) with a newly purchased jar unsweetened jam and 5 small grapes (half a unit). I bought the jam specially so that I can have it with toast for breakfast, and I was rather impressed with myself cos I managed to find an 'unsweetened' one. Now I am wondering if the jam was the culprit... although the label states 'unsweetened', it should still contain sugar since it is a fruit (blueberry) jam right? Duh! (Sometimes I am so 'bright' that I end up blinding myself.)

I am giving myself and my over-pricked fingers a break today, though I will still watch (with one eye closed) what I eat.

I completed all 7 tests yesterday and the readings were not ideal. While they are not terribly bad, my reading always miss the 'passing mark' by a little. Hence, I have to redo all of them again today.

Actually this 'exercise' makes me a lot more conscious of what I eat, and it also makes me realize how unhealthy my eating habits have been. For as long as I can remember, I have always only had 2 main meals a day; brunch/lunch and dinner, and carbohydrates have always been a very staple part of my diet.

Now that I have to strictly control the amount of carb intake, I no longer feel 'fulfilled' after each meal and get hungry very quickly. In a way I guess it helps to ensure that I take small meals frequently rather than 2 big meals and this would also help my body break down the smaller amount of glucose more effectively.

Boy, I do miss my carb (and snacks)...

This is what I brought back from my appointment with the endocrinologist AND dietician yesterday. For random days over the next two weeks, I will have to watch my diet very closely as well as take my own blood in order to keep track of my glucose level before and after each meal. This adds up to 7 times a day... Breakfast (before and after), lunch (before and after), dinner (before and after) and supper.

This booklet was given to me by the dietician... The main thing that I have to monitor very carefully is my carbohydrate intake per meal. The booklet charts common daily carb food (rice, pasta, porridge, noodles, cereal, etc) by units. I am supposed to have between 3 to 4 units of carb intake with each meal, and because I am pregnant, I need a minimum of 2 units of carb per meal for the baby's development.

Other than carb, the booklet also lets me know how much fruits I can (or cannot) eat, and which fruits are my 'friends' and which ones are my 'foes'.. unfortunately, the fruits that I should avoid are all my favourites.. i.e. durians, bananas, mangoes.

Last but not least, it is the glucose monitoring kit which is on loan from the hospital. I took my pre meal reading before breakfast and it was 5.7. It's not ideal because it should be anything between 4.4 to 5.5, and considering the fact that I haven't eaten anything since 9pm last night, this is rather high. I had 2 slices of wholemeal bread with egg and ham for breakfast and then took the post meal reading 2 hours later. The reading was 6.0. I'm pretty happy with it because the score should be anything between 5.5 to 6.6.