Enough Angels...

Mark surprised me by showing up unexpectedly at the hospital yesterday cos he managed to get time off from work as he'd worked until 2am at a client's office the night before. This is the kind of surprise that I love from him (compared with the material goods kinda 'surprise'). Mark never fails to remind me to say 'hi' to little bun on his behalf whenever I go for my scans, but this time he was able to do so himself!

As usual, little bun was very active throughout the scan, and it is a relief to see his/her heartbeat beating strongly. My cervical length is still very promising so that is one less thing for me to worry about. I asked Dr Anu regarding my concern about my weight gain, and she assured me that I was on track and should be gaining more weight from the 3rd trimester on (provided if I get there!). She also said that she's actually happy that I am not gaining weight too quickly as it could be an effect of gestational diabetes, and this could mean that there is too much amniotic fluid in my waterbag. When there is too much amniotic fluid, it could result in Preterm Premature Rapture of Membranes (pPROM)... (to simplify, the waterbag is like a balloon, when you fill it up too much, it'd rupture).

This is relative to what I have been reading up on lately - Polyhydramnios and below are some known causes of this condition:

• Birth defects in the baby that affect the ability to swallow. Normally, when the fetus swallows, the level of amniotic fluid goes down a bit. This helps to balance out the increase in fluid caused by fetal urination.
• Heart defects in the baby
• Diabetes during pregnancy
• Infection in the baby during pregnancy
• Blood incompatabilities between the pregnant woman and the fetus (examples: Rh or Kell disease)

I recall that during my last antenatal checkup when I was expecting Chloe, my regular doctor went on vacation and he referred me to another doctor who did the scan for me. I can clearly remember this doctor telling me then that I had a lot of amniotic fluid and what a very good sign it was because it is an indication of a healthy baby and pregnancy. Looking back now, I am begining to wonder if this was an indication, a red alert that he failed to watch out for.

I don't know if I also had gestational diabetes when I was pregnant with Chloe because I wasn't checked for it as regularly as I was for this pregnancy, i.e. weekly. Previously, I was only checked for diabetes not more than 3 or 4 times during the entire 24 weeks, and because my appointment was always on Saturday morning, I'd go to the clinic without breakfast. Hence, my sugar level would be 'normal' because I'd fasted for over 10 hours from the night before, meaning that the results were skewed.

I guess I'd never know the real reason for losing Chloe... but at least this is something new that I'd have to watch out for now. Dr Anu is somewhat convinced that this was the main cause based on her past experience with other patients with similar problems (i.e. late trimester pPROM). But as isn't any literature/research that proves the correlation, she cannot justify it. She also said that she's got another patient who has a similar history like mine, and she's now 34 weeks pregnant.

All I can do now for myself and little bun is to continue to keep the faith. It is getting increasingly scary with each passing day because as my hopes continue to grow day by day, the fear of failure and being 'robbed' mounts. I know that I had started bonding with Lucas and Chloe right from the moment I got a positive sign on my home pregnancy kit. Throughout the earlier stages of this pregnancy, I was able to somewhat control my emotions and not bond with little bun too much. In fact, I was mostly trying to detach myself emotionally from the baby than bond with it. Dr Anu said that this was perfectly normal in my case because of what I had gone through, and it is my body/mind's way of 'protecting' me. However, now that I can feel little bun moving inside me, it is impossible to ignore his/ her presence any longer. How can any mother deny the existence of her child?