Yesterday started off on a good foot... I managed to clear quite a bit of work and was looking forward to the annex weekend. On top of that, I had a relaxing lunch meeting at Mandarin Oriental where the hotel hosted me to a lovely lunch at Cherry Garden.
After the lunch, I made the mistake of checking my Facebook account on my phone. In response to the new 'status' that that I had updated in the morning, a friend left me some 'advice' which seriously pissed me off more than anything else. I do not need anyone telling me that behaving and thinking positive will make things better. Trust me, I have been there and done that. It's a load of bullshit and seriously does NOT work, at least for me. I quote this proverb: Advice given after injury is like medicine given after death. So does it help and will it work, I can't help but laugh.
Unless you have had the experience of cradling your own baby in your arms, see her dying right before your eyes and realize that no amount of bloody positive thinking is ever going to save her, then you are not entitled to give me any advice about behaving positive or having positive thoughts. I have said it before and am saying it here again. For all of the 6 months that I had Chloe, I did think positive even though I had a prior miscarriage. I bet many people don't even realize how much courage it takes to do that... just go and ask any woman who had a subsequent pregnancy after a miscarriage. And to suffer the blow of a second miscarriage despite all those crap positive thinking is like being raised to heaven one minute and find yourself banished to hell the next. It sucked big time.
People who dispense 'advice' may have all the best intentions in the world, but somehow many of these advice can be so blase, so superficial and so flippant. Maybe it's just me and I am being weird, but really, I DO NOT need advice. My request is very simple... sometimes I just need to talk, to vent, to let out how I feel... And all I need is your listening ear and/ or a shoulder to cry on, and if it's not too much to ask, your patience will be appreciated because even I don't know how long I will take to untangle myself from this web.
For people who are inclined to view life through rose tinted glasses, I am very happy that you are still able to view life this way. Sadly for me, I have lost those 'glasses' and I have learnt that while life CAN be a bed of roses, please do not forget that underneath the beautiful petals and sweet scent lies a bed of prickly thorns. Right now, I am caught in that maze of thorns, so please don't bother telling me how nice it can be up there amongst the soft petals.
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Ok ranting over... I think I have vented enough and I think I feel better.
Yesterday, 26 Nov 09, also marks the 5th month since Chloe left my arms. **Mummy is still pining for you and missing you dearly, my precious princess.**
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