Missing my Little Boy

I have not had a chance to swim at all over the past week because the weather had not been 'co-operative'. Finally the weather this afternoon seemed more decent (although the sky was still a little overcast), and I thought a swim would do my headache some good. The only problem was because there's no sun, the water was freaking cold. It took me a good 10min before I finally submerged myself...

The pool was already pretty crowded when I arrived. There was this Caucasian father with his toddler in the pool, and I watched them for a long time because it seemed like they were enjoying themselves so much, oblivious to everything and everyone around them. The little boy kept giggling and shouting in delight when his dad pushed on the water at the surface, creating little 'waves' that rocked the float that he was on.

I wondered if we had Lucas, will Mark also take him to the pool to play every weekend? Will Lucas also be giggling and laughing with joy when he is playing with his daddy? Will Mark teach him how to swim? Will my little boy be a good swimmer? How will his first float look like?

Again, I felt like I have short-changed Mark. I have not only robbed him of his son, I also robbed him of the chance of being a doting and nuturing daddy, and I have deprived him of the experience of father-and-son bonding. I am sure he and Lucas will share a wonderful bond because in essence, Mark himself is still a little boy at heart. My little boy would be one year old in a month's time and I'd have organised a big party for him, complete with truckloads of presents. I miss him dearly. So much so that it hurts...

When I thought about all these, I felt the tears boiling over. It is a good thing that no one could tell that I was crying because my face was already wet from my swim. So I freely let my warm, salty tears mingle with the (freaking) cold, chlorinated water...

See this body of water? My tears are somewhere in there...