Today is the last day of another eventful year, and I will see 2009 off with mixed emotions. This is the year where I went through one of the happiest periods of my life, as well as the saddest. For 6 whole months, I basked in the joy and contentment of 'motherhood' when I was expecting Chloe. For every single minute of those 6 months, I savoured in secret delight that I'd have a little baby girl in my arms by October 2009.
Everything became topsy-turvey the moment my waterbag broke prematurely and we were told that we were to lose her. In the blink of the eye, the happiest year of my life became the saddest. In that cruel twist of fate, I have once again been denied of the baby that Mark and I so badly yearned for and love. On 26 June 2009, my precious princess joined her big brother, Lucas, in heaven.
This year, I have learnt several invaluable lessons...
- I have learnt how fragile and unpredictable life can be. How you can be at the top of the world this moment, and find yourself in the dungeons of hell the next.
- I have learnt to love unconditioinally and treasure the people around me, especially family.
- I have learnt to be grateful, I am grateful that I got to spend 14 precious weeks with Lucas, and grateful to him for making me a 'mom' for the first time. I am grateful for the 6 months I had with Chloe. I am grateful that I got to feel Chloe move inside me and I am grateful that I got to kiss her and hold her in my arms for those 15 minutes. I am grateful for a loving and suppportive husband. I am grateful for having a supportive boss and colleagues. I am grateful for the 'angels' who appeared from out of nowhere and supported me in their own unique ways through my darkest hour.
- I have learnt to accept whatever that is thrown at me and that I don't have control over everything.
- I have learnt that life is not fair and I just have to live with it whether I like it or not. C'est la vie...
- I am learning how not to sweat the small stuff.
- I am learning how to appreciate what I had/ have.
- I am learning to find whatever strength and courage there is left within me to 'try again'.
I can probably go on with the list forever cos 2009 is a huge year in my life. Indeed, it was filled with a lot of tears and pain, but I wouldn't change it for anything because 6 out of those 12 months have been filled with a lot happiness. This is also the year where I got to 'meet' my daughter.
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Happy New Year to my two Angels, Lucas and Chloe . Mummy's love and thoughts are right there with you, today and always.
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