I was thinking very hard while washing the dishes after dinner. Yes, it is pretty theraputic to be able to be completely engrossed in a mundane task like scrubbing dirty plates. I may aspire to be a dishwasher in some restaurant one day (no, not at those that uses dishwashing machines..). I was thinking about a conversation between two girlfriends, Mark and I a few weeks prior. I guess the general concensus around the table was that I was being too much of a 'perfectionist'. At that time, I didn't know how to react, but after thinking it through, I feel that having certain expectations of the things/ people in my life does not make me a perfectionist (that's what I think anyway).
Take for instance, you have a dog and you expect the dog to wag it's tail when you return home... You have a husband and you expect him to love, take care and be faithful to you (on top of many other things)... You have a boss at work, and you expect him to guide you along and give you support when you need it.. You have a mother and you expect her to dry your tears and clean up your wound when you scrape your knees while learning how to cycle... You have friends, and you expect them to be an extension of your family... Likewise, people will have expectations of me. My boss expects me to retain my clients and do my job well... My husband will expect me to be his demure, sweet, docile wife (which really isn't happening)... My mom expects me to be a filial child and not get into too much trouble while growing up (thankfully I am pretty sure I fulfilled that)... My dog expects me to show it love and give it fresh water and feed it twice a day (preferably give it new toys and treats too).
So for me, I just have more of such expectations, and that extends to the day-to-day activities. Does that make me a perfectionist? I told Mark not to spit in the kitchen sink cos that's where I prepare food. I re-wash the dishes that Mark had already washed because they were still oily and I could see a rim of stain inside. I told Mark to take the stool in from the balcony since he is no longer using it anymore so that the metal legs won't rust when it rains (I think it's been 6 weeks since I have first told him this and as I type, the offending stool is still in the same spot in the balcony). Same goes for the cigarette butt.. it's been lying in the balcony for almost a month).
Hey, if I really were a perfectionist, both the cigarette butt and stool wouldn't be there for so long right? If I were a perfectionist, then my life wouldn't be in such a mess now, would it? If I were a perfectionist, my life would have been perfect, or at least close to perfection, isn't it? Well, I can assure you my life ain't perfect from how I look at it now.. In fact it is far from perfect cos I am sadly lacking the 2 things that would make it perfect... my 2 angels. Since I can never have them back, my life will never be perfect. So what does that make me? A failed perfectionist?? A wannabe perfectionist??
I like to do things the way I want them to be done... and I mostly have a reason for wanting it done that way. Does this make me a perfectionist or simply someone with some expectations? I feel sorry for people who have little/ no expectations in life. It's pretty pathetic if you ask me... The difference between failure and success is doing a thing nearly right and doing it exactly right. Ok, I admit I am not an easy person to live with... so maybe I would be better off living on a deserted island. (I hope it comes with TV, air-con, hot water, etc...)
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