Went back to see the psychiatrist this morning and she asked me how I was feeling cos she knew that Mark would be away this week and I'm alone. The reply that was at the tip of my tongue was 'pretty good for someone who lost 2 babies', but of cos I bit my tongue and said told her I was doing fine. I don't want her to freak out and end up warding me so that they can monitor me... **nightmare**!! Good thing is that the consultantion was only 15min because she felt that I had shown 'marked improvement' from when I saw her last week.
Just realised that yesterday would have been exactly a month to Chloe's EDD on 14 Oct 09. Under normal circumstances, I should have been excitedly counting down the days and hours till I meet my princess. Unfortunately the circumstances now are anything but normal... I have never been in denial that Chloe's gone and will never come back, but a part of me is still finding it very hard to accept. Sometimes I jolt awake in the middle of the night with the sickening realization that my baby is gone.
Recently a client escalated an issue to me because one of their travellers lost his coat while he was staying at Shangri-la Sydney, and they wanted me to help them take up the issue with the regional office and hopefully find the coat back. I can't help but wonder... when people lose their coats, they look for me. So how about when I lose my babies, who can I look for?? A big piece of my heart is missing... who can help me find it??
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