A Rude Awakening

I never expected that by writing about how I feel on my blog will cause so much controversy and heartache. As such, I have decided to set a 'restriction' on my blog so anyone who wants to read it after this posting will need to get 'permission' from me first. I reckon this is for the better so that I can continue to write as honestly and as openly as I want, and prevent the people whom I don't want from reading it lest it causes more problems moving forward.

Somehow, I feel that the episode that happened last night robbed me of the only thing that brought me some comfort and solace over the last 1 month plus since I started this blog. The time that I spend writing on this blog is what I treasure because it is when I can have spend some time with my angels; let out my emotions without fear; and unwind the tightly wound coil that is my heart so that I can take another breath, walk another step and live another day.

So what actually took place last night, you may be wondering? I was at this chill place in the company of some of the (very few) people whom I truly love and care about, people whom I have inside my 'Circle of Trust', and the conversation topic got a bit intense. It got me hot under the collar but I have to admit it was a true-awakening for me... a reality check and a rude wake-up call. I know it was done with good-intentions, but I have never felt more misunderstood, betrayed and lonely ever before, and I felt very defensless and pushed into a corner.

It's been two and half months since losing Chloe and things have not improved... in fact, they have only gotten worse in a multitude of ways imaginable. Every breath that I draw is hurting me and every morning that I wake up is a major disappointment. I feel like I am standing at a cross road junction and I don't know where to turn. Should I turn left, turn right, go straight, retrace my steps or should I stay where I am? I don't want another human to 'guide' me cos I don't think I trust anyone anymore.. well, I never trusted anyone fully anyway. Maybe a seeing eye dog would be more suitable for me.

I know I have some dear friends who frequently check out this blog, walking quietly with me and even crying along with me while reading it. I too, would love to share my journey with you for as long as you are interested to walk alongside me. Let me know and I will add you.