Mom and dad came over to stay last night and I was ended up chatting with them for a while. Somehow we ended up talking about a close relative's marriage with her husband. Seems like the husband does not go home every night and the wife does not ask about his whereabouts at all because it has already become a 'norm' and she's given up asking. I don't think they have a healthy relationship/ marriage too as they barely communicate.. One tells lies while the other doesn't give a damn - actually I don't believe that the wife doesn't care about the husband's whereabouts. I reckon she's just sick of being lied to so she might as well not ask. I asked my mom since their kids are all grown-up, why don't they just get a divorce? Why do you want to live with someone whom you don't care about or love anymore? Why do you want to live with someone who lies to you all the time?
Mom said it's a 'face' issue... so kudos to our Asian values/ culture, I guess divorce is something most people feel ashamed of, especially by the older generation. Maybe it's me or my generation, but I'd rather be happily single than unhappily married. Anyway, that's just me...
Inevitably, mom asked about my Thrombophilia. She knows that Mark and I want to try to conceive again and that I have seen a fertility specialist. Like all moms, she is trying to gently dissuade me from it because she knows there will be risks involved for not just the baby, but for me as well. I was firm when I told her that I'd live to regret if I do not give it another go now that we know what the problem is. And I am definitely going for it even if I should die in the process.
It's been quite a while since mom and I chatted so much.. I don't think we have done much of this kind of chatting ever since I moved out and I really miss it. I wonder if I had not lost Chloe, would we also chat non-stop about everything and anything? Will she share all her thoughts, feelings and fears with me? Wouldn't it be so nice if mom, Chloe and I are able to sit down and chatter all day? I know mom would have loved and doted on Chloe so much... not that she'd love Lucas any less, but I have an inkling my mom likes little girls more. On the contrary, I know for a fact that Mark's side of the family preferred little boys. They are traditional in their way of thinking, so a little boy would mean that there is a 4th generation of 'Lee'. When they took Lucas and Chloe away from me, they not only took away my children, they also took away our parents' precious grand-children.
Actually Mark had asked me the same question that mom asked me... i.e. why don't we just let nature take it's course and not have kids. He assured me that he is ok to not have a baby and it'd be perfectly alright. I replied that this is not an option. In a way, one of the things that is keeping me alive till today is the hope and anticipation of conceiving again and eventually holding a healthy baby in my arms. I am so totally focused on this now everything else pales in comparison. I told Mark I will do this with or without his help.. though I'd probably prefer if he 'participated' cos I am not too sure how it can be done without his 'help'!!
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