Had dinner with a close, long-time friend last night and we caught up on each other's lives over the past couple of months because the last time I met her was in Jan 09, right before I found out I was pregnant with Chloe. At that time, I was crying over the loss of Lucas... Cynically, we met at the same place we were at the previous time, and this time, I was crying over Lucas AND Chloe. I think we freaked out the staff at Haagen Dazs cos she was crying along with me!!
She agreed with me that as we grow older, we face more problems. Although she's got 2 lovely kids, she had been facing her own share of heartache with marital problems for the past 2 years. How ironic life is... She has got what I desire so dearly (i.e. kids) and I have got what she so badly covets (i.e. a faithful husband who indulges in me). Doesn't it make you wonder if the 'higher powers' are having a good laugh at our expense?? But well, at the end of the day, her husband is still alive and well, and more importantly the power of choice is in her hands to make her marriage work and her family will become a complete unit. Me?? My babies are dead.. they are gone forever... Without them, my family unit will never be complete because they are irreplaceable.
Then we talked about 2 of our mutual friends and she shared with me that they too, are facing a different set of challenges... one is feeling the strain of being a stay home mom with 3 kids under the age of 7 to care for on top of having problematic in-laws, and the other had a recent health scare. I had been exchanging emails with an ex of mine lately (the power of Facebook!!) and he told me he too, is missing the teenage years where life was so fun and so uncomplicated. The main 'worries' then was school work, exams, whether the person I had a crush on likes me too, the zit on my forehead, bad hair day, etc... How I yearn for those days...
Gosh.. I am only 32 and I think I am terrified of what else life has in store for me when I am 42, 52, 62... (assuming if I live that long..). From my current perspective, the road ahead is a long and bumpy ride. Crash helmet, bulletproof vest, armour, shield, Brembo brakes will be at the top of my wishlist for my next birthday, ALTHOUGH the #1 spot on my wishlist is still for a healthy baby, and hopefully soon it'd be soon.
No comments:
Post a Comment