I know I should not have watched it... I know I should have switched channels immediately, but well, somehow I continued watching the program right till the end, soaking my pillow with my tears in the process. I have the habit of leaving the TV on and letting the sound lull me to sleep every night... Last night was no exception and while I was seaching for a suitable channel, I came upon this program on Discovery Home & Health called 'Birth Day'. Well, the title of the show describes what it is... a program chronicling a lady going into the later stages of her pregnancy and the eventual birthing process.
I made it through most of the program pretty alright.. from her first sign of contractions to early labour pains in the delivery suite to the eventual epidural injections and right to the eventual '1,2,3 push'. What caused my flood gates to open was when I saw her lovingly cuddle a little pink bundle in her arms. That image did it for me and I could literally feel my heart shriveling up and aching so badly.. throbbing with a dull, aching sensation and each drawn breath was so painful. Suddenly, my arms felt so empty... something is missing from there and I do know what it is --- it is MY OWN pink bundle.
"They say that time in heaven is compared to
'the blink of an eye' for us on this earth.
Sometimes it helps me to think of my children
running ahead of me through a beautiful field
of wildflowers and butterflies;
so happy and completely caught up in what
they are doing that when they eventually
look behind them, I will already be there."
~Unknown
** Lucas and Chloe, please wait for mummy ok? Please don't ever give up on me cos I promise I will be there with you one day, to hug you tightly in my arms and shower you with all the love that you so richly deserve. Until that day comes, remember that I am always thinking of you, and each of you have a piece of my heart & all the love I can give.
The tears are falling hard and fast as I continue to type... I believe that tears are words the heart and words cannot express. And as my tears fall continue to fall, I can easily wipe them off onto my sleeve, but how do I erase the pain in my heart?
No comments:
Post a Comment