Today is 31 May, the last day of May. It'll be June tomorrow. June is without doubt my most hated, most feared and most dreaded month of the year. It was in June (2008 and 2009) that I lost 2 of the most precious things in my life. It was in June that I cried so much that I couldn't cry anymore. It was in June that I felt that my heart was ripped apart and it'd never be whole again. It was in June that I felt that my world had come to an end, twice over.
Subconsciously, I have been doing a mental 'countdown' every night since May. As May comes to and end, I can feel my fear escalate and my heart constrict more as we near June. I wonder what June 2011 will bring for me. I only have one simple wish... I hope to have a smooth pregnancy and eventually be able to hold my own healthy baby in my arms in October/ November this year. I don't care how many times I need to go to the hospital each week for check-ups and how much more physical pain I have to endure as long as it means little bun will be born healthy and full term.
I guess this is the simple wish of this mother. I just want my baby to be born full term and be healthy and happy.
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