Last Day of May

Today is 31 May, the last day of May. It'll be June tomorrow. June is without doubt my most hated, most feared and most dreaded month of the year. It was in June (2008 and 2009) that I lost 2 of the most precious things in my life. It was in June that I cried so much that I couldn't cry anymore. It was in June that I felt that my heart was ripped apart and it'd never be whole again. It was in June that I felt that my world had come to an end, twice over.

Subconsciously, I have been doing a mental 'countdown' every night since May. As May comes to and end, I can feel my fear escalate and my heart constrict more as we near June. I wonder what June 2011 will bring for me. I only have one simple wish... I hope to have a smooth pregnancy and eventually be able to hold my own healthy baby in my arms in October/ November this year. I don't care how many times I need to go to the hospital each week for check-ups and how much more physical pain I have to endure as long as it means little bun will be born healthy and full term.

I guess this is the simple wish of this mother. I just want my baby to be born full term and be healthy and happy.

Deja vu

Like many men, Mark loves his soccer (to watch, not to play) and is a fan of Manchester United. There was a 'big match' (in his words) in the wee hours, 2.30am to be exact, of Sunday morning between Man U and Barcelona, and he was determined that he would wake up to catch it. He even 'invited' me to join him in watching it and tried to entice me by telling me how exciting it'd be.

Anyway, he did wake up to catch the match while I remained in dreamland. I was woken up at around 4am by one of my frequent need to visit to the bathroom and since I was already awake, I went to join Mark in the living room to watch the remaining of the match. As I approached him, he gave me a pouty/ sad face (cos Barcelona trashed Man U, 3-1). I was hit by a really intense sense of deja vu and I felt the hair at the back of my neck stand. Then it hit me hard...

When I was pregnant with Chloe, there was also a night where Mark woke up in the wee hours to watch a football match (think it was the World Cup??). The EXACT same scenario played out and it was uncanny... i.e. I woke up for a pee break and then went to join him in the living room while he was watching a match. He gave me the very same sulky face as the team he was supporting was losing.

I am really scared... In my mind, it bothers me a great deal whether history would repeat itself once more. Is this some sort of a sign?? I am really confused, especially with all the medical problems I am facing now. Is this pregnancy going to end up like the earlier ones?

I have been praying hard, really really hard, for a different outcome this time. Please let this baby be ours to keep... pretty please.

Gestational Diabetes

I received not so good news from Dr Anu on the results of my Glucose Tolerance Test (GTT). I have developed gestational diabetes and clearly, it is a real cause of concern, in addition to the multitude of other problems I have. Natually, my medical bill is set to sky rocket even further.

Got to admit that I wasn't really surprised when Dr Anu broke the news to me... I guess it is because I have been aware for years that I am predisposed to diabetes since I have first degree relatives (i.e. mom and sis) who have diabetes. Besides, I also have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), which is another risk factor. Recently, I had been experiencing extreme thirst, frequent urination, low energy levels and fatique, which I had put down to changes in my body due to pregnancy, but apparently it's not.

Dr Anu made an appointment for me to see the endocrinologist (aka doctor specialising in diabetes) tomorrow. She's already prepped me briefly on what is in store for me... Measuring my blood sugar level a few times daily (involves pricking my finger for a drop of blood) **swoon**; monitoring of diet (cutting down of carbohydrates) **gasp of horror** I loooove my pasta/ rice/ noodles/ potatos; no more fruit juices and fizzy drinks (Adios, Sprite/ Coke/ Florida orange juice). Good thing I don't have a sweet tooth and not into chocolates... I have to give lollies a miss too. Guess I'd also be prescribed with Metformin, an anti-diabetic drug.

If all these basic measures don't work, then it'd mean (more) injections for me... Insuline jabs to be exact. **Sighhhh** I am taking it all in with a positive mindset. I don't care how much pain I have to go through physically, so long as little bun is fine. I have long learnt that physical pain is in no way comparable to emotional pain, and I'd take physical pain over emotional pain anytime.

On a more cheerful note, little bun is fine, and the condition of my cervix is still good (i.e. closed and no funneling). Am just happy and contented with the little blessings in my life...

Glucose Tolerance Test

I had my Glucose Tolerance Test done yesterday morning... Was told to fast from 12 midnight onwards and show up at the clinic at 8.30am. First the nurse took my blood and then gave me a choice between a chilled or room tempertature glucose drink (naturally I opted for the chilled one) which I had to down within 10min. Then I had to stick around and wait for 2 hours before the nurse took more blood from me. This is done to determine how well the body can process the glucose.

The taste of the glucose drink was rather strange.. like a slightly medicated and decarbonated fizzy drink. Dr Anu warned me that it tasted horrid, but I thought it was bearable. Funny tasting but still within my 'acceptable' threshold (though I'd prefer not to have to gulp it down ever again).

The result of the GTT should be ready when I see Dr Anu later. It's going to be a rather long afternoon at the hospital later cos I have to go for my cervical scan and then followed by the appointment with Dr Anu (and little bun!!).

IVIG (#3)

My worry came true... yesterday wasn't my last IVIG treatment. The doctor said that my body seems to be reacting and adapting to the medication well to be on the safe side, she'd want me to continue with it for at least 2 more rounds till the stage where the pregnancy will be viable. I was told by the doctor that most of her patients continue to do it until their 7th month of pregnancy.

While I was there, there was another pregnant lady there undergoing IVIG too. Her pregnancy is much further along (around 6 months plus, I think) and I overheard her conversation with the nurse that she only needs to undergo another one IVIG at the end of June.

During the 4.5 hours I was there, my parents paid me a surprise visit. They too were at the hospital for their own respective check-ups and after theirs was done, they came to see me. I think my mom was shocked when she saw me with the IV tubes. I did tell her previously about IVIG, but didn't let her know it was done through IV infusions as I didn't want her to worry. I could see the concern and panic on her face. I made them leave after a short time cos mom was begining to bombard me with questions.

As the IVIG lasted through lunch, I was prepared to have a late lunch after it was completed. The Senior Staff Nurse gave me a huge surprise by buying me my favourite noodles for lunch (in the morning while we were chatting casually, I mentioned to her my favourite stall at the hospital food court). It touched me greatly. I plan to bring over afternoon tea for her and her nurses one of these days.

I initially wanted to do the Glucose Tolerance Test (GTT) this morning, but as it was raining, I decided to postpone it till tomorrow. Hopefully it is a false alarm and everything will turn out fine.

Tomorrow is my 3rd, and hopefully also the final, IVIG injection. The 4 to 5 hours spent sitting in the chair with the IV drips sticking into my hand is not exactly comfortable and exciting. Most importantly, what concerns me the most is the astronomical cos of each pop of that drug. S$2400 per pop a month for 3 months really burns a big hole in Mark's wallet. But hey, I wouldn't have it any other way as long as the doctors say it'd give my pregnancy a better chance. Not a guarantee, mind you... just a chance. But a chance is what I need... it is what little bun needs.

Hoping that when I see the hematologist tomorrow morning, she will tell me this is the last of my IVIGs. I know from the nurses that some pregnant women go through with the monthly IVIGs all the way until the month they deliver.

According to the scans done yesterday, little bun is now slightly over 10cm long; and according to what I have read on the internet, his/ her weight is around that of an apple. When the sonographer was measuring the length of my cervice, she froze the screen and with a giggle, pointed out to me "Hey, look, your baby is stretching its legs!!". When I looked at the screen, I saw a distinctive little outstretched leg pressing against the wall of the amniotic sac. She printed it out and gave it to me as keepsake.

It seems that somewhere in that grey and black image is my bladder (which was rather full) and also my cervix. I could make out the black blob which is my bladder, but couldn't figure out where the cervix is (??!!). Anyway, Dr Anu told me that my cervical length is around 4cm and shows no signs of funneling, so all is good for now.

The only thing that is of concern is that my sugar levels seem high from the urine test taken. To be on the safe side, Dr Anu ordered a round of tests for me next Friday... I'd need to fast for 8 hours prior to the test. Just hope it is a false alarm cos I really do not need any extra problems added on. Other than this, Dr Anu prescribed 'as much rest as possible' from now on and ordered that there should be 'no more extended shopping trips'. I assured her that with the pain and numbness in my left leg, any long periods of walking/ standing is almost impossible.

I was so totally relieved after seeing that all is well with little bun... It is the best way to start off the weekend.

Getting ready for my appointment with Dr Anu and little bun... Excitement and fear; anticipation and dread all rolled into one big bag of emotions.

Amanda's mommy texted me this morning to tell me about a programme at noon on Channel News Asia about fertility and pregnancy. I watched it of course... the programme covers 3 real life accounts of couples who faced various challenges with fertility. The thing to note is at the end of the day, all 3 couples were blessed with their own healthy bundle of joy. I hope that like them, Mark and I will have my own bundle of joy and happy ending to share with the world at the end of the day. I cried through most part of the 30min programme because I really empathise with these couples, i.e. how they went through the roller coaster of emotions during their fertility sessions, and then I am green with envy when these couples successfully conceive and deliver healthy babies. The words that each of these couples use to describe their respective 'gifts' are the same - 'Grateful' and 'Blessed'.

I have always wondered, and I am still wondering why is my road to motherhood fraught with so many obstacles? Why can't I just be a normal female who can fall pregnant easily, and then have a smooth pregnancy which would result in a brawling baby at the end of 40 weeks? What makes me so 'special' and 'different' from other women? What exactly is wrong with me?

Having withdrawal symptoms... I have spent every moment of the last 4 days with Mark (he took the day off on Monday and it was a public holiday yesterday), and he's gone back to work today. It may seem weird, but I miss his presence. Even though we may not always be at the same part of the house the past few days, I enjoy being able to shout "I love you" to him from the bedroom when he is in the living room and hearing his muffled response in return. I enjoy being able to have a quick snuggle with him anytime I feel like it. I like to see the way he tries so hard to convince me to take a nap just so that he can play his game/ watch his movie in peace. Haa!

I should have had my weekly date with little bun yesterday, but since it was a public holiday, our date has been postponed to Friday. Nothing will give me more comfort than to see/ hear little bun's heartbeat, and to know that he/she is growing well inside me. Because of my lack of pregnancy symptoms this time round (which I should probably be grateful for), I feel extra uncertain of this pregnancy because to put it simply, I just don't feel that I am pregnant. Moreover, old wives tale have it that the more pregnancy symptoms that one have (i.e. food craving, nausea, etc), the more stable the pregnancy is. So this thought is constantly creeping into my mind.

I think I can afford to heave a tiny sigh of relief now... I am past the stage of gestation where I lost Lucas. It is a stage where Dr Anu wants me to be extra careful and to watch out for. There are numerous 'hurdles' to cross... i.e. the first trimester; the OSCAR test; the stage of gestation where I lost Lucas; the next detailed scan at 20 weeks; the stage of gestation where I lost Chloe; reaching the 28th week of gestation; etc. As a matter of fact, for me every single day is a 'hurdle' (as well as blessing) in itself.

Many people say that once you are past the first trimester, you have reached the 'safety zone'. Well, this may be true for most women. Unfortunately, to me, nothing is a safety zone. There is no safety zone. Falling pregnant is not a safety zone. The second trimester is not a safety zone. The third trimester is not a safety zone. Birth is not a safety zone. The days after birth are not a safety zone. There is no safety zone. So how can I stand to go forward with this love, this immense love that I already have, for our baby-to-be? How can I learn to curb the love that I have for the little life that is growing within me?

OSCAR Results

I have had little bun's OSCAR test results for a while now, but I keep forgetting about it. I guess those are pretty decent results for someone my age and it doesn't warrant any further tests. My 'risk factor' outcomes of each of the tested trisomies; Trisomy 13, Trisomy 18 and Trisomy 21 looks good, though of course we have to bear in mind that it is not 100% accurate.

When I showed Mark the report, his first remark was that the numbers are quite a lot lower than the first time I did this test while I was pregnant with Lucas. I was surprised that he remembered and noticed it. If I haven't remembered wrongly, the result at that time for Trisomy 21 (Down's Syndrome) was 1:11,000-ish, compared to the 1:7135 now. That's the effect of age... 3 years to be exact. I was 31 then.

Anyhow, I am already very grateful for this outcome... I can't ask for anything more.

Last evening we had dinner at my parent's place because Mark had requested for a home-cooked meal made by my mom. He's taken a liking to my mom's cooking ever since my mom retired and with a lot of time in her hands, she had started experimenting with new dishes. I can tell that my mom enjoys cooking for us, and she likes to see Mark and I cleaning up our plates. On normal days, she just cooks for herself, my dad and my younger sis... My dad is a very small eater and my sis is a very picky eater, so that doesn't give my mom much chance to try out new dishes.

Anyway, I went over to my parent's place in the afternoon and Mark was to join me after work. While I was waiting for the lift there, I bumped into the neighbour next door and we exchanged small talk i.e. 'Oh the weather is so hot!' (the weather IS REALLY FREAKING HOT). Then I was totally taken aback when she suddenly asked me 'Oh, you are expecting?'. I mumbled 'yes' and then stupidly asked her 'Is it that obvious??'. I thought I had covered up rather well with a baggy top.. and then I told her 'Can you please not tell my parents?'. Poor lady looked puzzled but didn't probe any further.

For the record, till now no one in my family knows that I am pregnant. Or perhaps even if they suspected, no one asked us anything. Previously, my mom was always the first person that we informed once we found out. It is not that we don't want to tell them this time, but I am really afraid of yet another failure and giving them false hopes once again. I know how much my parents are looking forward to have a grandchild, and I know very well how much my previous miscarriages have broken their hearts and made them so worried. I know how concerned they are about my mental and physical health, even until today. I really can't bear to raise their hopes and then single-handedly dash it again (and in my case, it is again and again and again). Moreover, I think it's no point letting them know early and having them worry along with me on a daily basis.

I still don't know when or how we will break the news to them... maybe I will just wait until it becomes too obvious. For now, it's a case of 'the neighbour knows and my parent's don't'. Hope that neighbour keeps her word.

Praying for Uneventful Days

My last appointment (on Tue) with Dr Anu and little bun went well. So far things are progressing right on track and I hope it remains this way for at least the next 4 to 5 months. For once, I'd love to have an uneventful pregnancy without any of the 'dramas' of my earlier pregnancies. I have enough dramatic pregnancies to last me for this lifetime, and possibly even the next.

My cervical length is still looking good at the moment and there are no signs of funneling (Thank you, God!!). The results of the swab that Dr Anu did during my previous appointment last week was good too... i.e. no signs infection. This swab test is specially requested by Mark... he told Dr Anu of our concerns that an unknown and undetected infection could have caused my waterbag to break the past 2 times, hence he proposed to Dr Anu to periodically run the swab tests for me to ensure that there are no signs of infection. Even if there is any (**knock on wood**), it can be detected in time and antibiotics and be dispensed before any harm is done.

I think I have reached this 'immune' stage whereby I don't really care what they do to me/ for me... my body is a vessel to deliver my baby safely into this world. They can stick as many needles, run as many tests and/ or probe me as often as they wish, as long as it is for the well-being of my baby. However, the sad fact is that all these tests doesn't guarantee me a healthy, full term baby. The outcome is still a big unknown...

For now, all that Mark and I can do is to give be grateful and give thanks for every single uneventful day that goes by. Keeping the faith and praying hard for more uneventful days (and nights) ahead.

Daddy's Princess

Mark told me that this morning while he was in the office, he plugged his earphones into his computer and listened to music on his iTunes while he worked. There is nothing unusal about it since it's something that he does daily. Actually I wasn't aware that he has this habit of listening to songs while working. We can be so different sometimes cos I simply cannot tolerate listening to music while I am working/ studying cos I find it to be highly distracting. Moreover, his choice of songs are in my opinion, totally unsuitable for the work environment.

Anyway, he came across this 'song' that he'd never come across before previously and it totally caught him by surprise cos he didn't expect it. That 'song' he heard is a recording of Chloe's heartbeat which he recorded sometime during the last 2 hours when she was still inside my tummy while I was strapped to a fetal doppler monitor. He told me that he almost wanted to cry right there and then, and it made him feel like Chloe was around him and that was a message from her.

Mark is still rather puzzled how the recording ended up in the iTunes of his laptop since it had never been there previously, even after he'd been syncing his iPhone to his laptop numerous times. Looking back, we have had this recording for coming to 2 years (it'd be exactly 2 years come 26 June) already. It's almost 2 years since we tearfully and reluctantly let go of our little Chloe, and almost 3 years since we lost our firstborn, Lucas.

I, too have that same recording on my phone, but I have not dared listened to it for a really long time because while the sound of her thumping heart is the most beautiful music to our ears, the heartache that comes with listening to it is insurmountable. It is a weird feeling... a feeling of pride and joy tinged with a lot of sadness and a very painful ache in the heart.

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Chloe sweetie,

This message is from your daddy, who wants me to let you know that he loves getting these 'signs' from you. He wants you to know that he got your message and that he is missing you very, very much. You will always be his precious and special little princess and he loves you so.

Hugs & Kisses,

Daddy (& Mummy too)

My Sciatica story continues to unfold... hopefully I'll be sharing the 'last episode' soon cos I think I have quite enough of it. The pain on Friday night was so freaking bad that I took painkillers. Usually I try to refrain from popping any drugs during pregnancy, including over the counter painkillers, unless they are beneficial to the baby, e.g. folic acid and duphaston (a hormone pill that maintains progesterone level). Despite the massages by my mom during the day and by Mark in the night, nothing seem to be stopping the pain. Mark even prepared a big bucket of (really) hot water for me to soak my foot in. It did help a bit initially but wore off after a while.

The pain was was so bad that I couldn't sleep... Well, actually I did manage to doze off around 2.30am, but Miss Hershey decided to jump onto the bed at around 3am and she had to land on my painful leg. At around 4.30am, I managed to doze off and yet again, no less than 15min later, Hershey did it again!!!!

The worst part is I had to hobble my way to the polling station on Saturday. I had to go in alone because Mark didn't have to vote (since he isn't Singaporean). I went to buy an ankle guard and it did help a little... the only problem is that now it has caused my skin to be itchy... REALLY, REALLY itchy.

After enduring the pain for over 3 days, it finally subsided somewhat yesterday afternoon. Hmm.. actually I am not certain if the pain subsided or if I have already become accustomed to it. I will definitely speak to Dr Anu about it when I see her later. Oh and the strange numbness has also spread from my toe to slightly further up the foot and part of the calf.

I will be off to get my cervix measured and I hope to see my thriving little bun in 3 hours' time... Praying hard for good results.

Mother's Day 2011

Today is yet another Mother's Day... So far, two Mother's Day have come and gone (in 2008 and in 2009) where I thought to myself "Yayyyy... next year I will be a real honest to goodness 'mother' where I will be celebrating this day with my child". Unfortunately, I counted my eggs before they hatched. My happiness and elation did not pay off both years.

Since last year, I have sort of 'surrendered' to the hands of fate and my destiny. This Mother's Day, I just want it to be a day for me to appreciate my mom and all that she had done for me and the family. Admittedly, I/ we take her and the things she does for granted and frequently take her words of concern for incessant nagging.

On Friday afternoon, I noticed that the pain in my leg was getting worse by the minute and 2 of my toes were numb. It was so bad that I could not sit or lie down without feeling a searing pain. As Mark was at work, I messaged my mom and told her about it. What I didn't know was that she was halfway through perming/ coloring her hair at that time. When she knew of my problem, she told the hairdresser to expedite the process and skip the coloring for another time. She was with me within an hour and spent a very long time massaging my foot, calf, thigh and lower back until I felt better. Mom stayed with me until Mark got home from work. Even after she got home, she kept messaging me to check on my condition.

I feel very guilty for making her rush around and more importantly for making her worry about me. From her, I can see and feel what a mother's love is all about. When I was younger, these are the things which I always took for granted. I might still be taking the things that she does for granted if I hadn't lost my Angels. They taught me to appreciate and treasure my mom... something that I certainly haven't done before. My Angels opened my eyes to what 'unconditional love' is all about. Mark loves me a whole lot, but I don't think his love for me will ever be as 'unconditional' as my mom's love for me.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, Mummy... With all my love today and always.

(this is one of my fav photos of my mom and it was taken on my wedding day.)

Today is a significant day for me and also for many Singaporeans. It is Election Day and I am voting for the first time since I turned 21 (the 'eligible' age). Previously the area where I live in had always been 'uncontested', hence there's no need to vote. It has been under Singapore's ruling party since Day 1 (don't ask me when). To make things clear, I actually do not have any preference or support any party in particular. Unfortunately, I don't care much about politics and frankly, it bores me to death. Other than some of the key Ministers, many of the rest are just names to me, and the election is just something to get over and done with. Sad... but true.

However, over the past 3 weeks, I have noticed some rather interesting phenomenons and what I see/read/ hear piqued my interest somewhat.

Out of the blue, an opposition party which I haven't heard of previously was formed and decided to contest in 'my' area. I can't help but wonder where they have been during the past 5 years. I have also noticed that many friends whom I have known for years have taken a sudden keen interest in politics. In fact, these friends from different backgrounds and professions (ranging from people working in I.T to administrative assistants to hoteliers...) have morphed overnight into 'knowledgeable' wannabe 'politicians' who are anti the ruling party. Basically my Facebook had been spammed with heaps of anti government videos/ comments.

I was rather surprised by all the anti-government sentiments in people of my age group. I think 95% of the stuff posted on my friends' Facebook pages are pro the respective opposition parties. I was seriously scratching my head in bewilderment. Since when did opposition parties in Singapore become so popular? Why are people so unhappy? What are they upset about? Frankly, I was pretty annoyed by the 'spammers' and people who try to convince others to vote for the opposition. Well, you have a vote, I have a vote. You are entitled to your choice, I am entitled to mine. Suddenly I realize that politics is akin to religion. It is a touchy subject and the best approach is to respect another person's choice.

I had a hard time deliberating... Since I have a vote, I have a say, I have a choice, so I am taking it seriously. No doubt, there are many areas that can be further improved, especially the incident of Mas Selamat. Yes, there were bad floods in Orchard Road but assuming if the opposition was in-charge, does it mean it wouldn't flood? The main (perhaps only) thing that peeves me about the ruling party is that it tends to give excuses for its shortcomings rather than being open and addressing it upfront. What took them sooooo long to apologise for the mishandling of Mas Selamat? That apology is way overdue, and even though it was given eventually, the time lapse made it seem less sincere.

For a short while, I was quite firm on giving my vote to the opposition party (whichever it is) simply for the heck of it so that the ruling party won't be so complacent. But two things keep coming to mind... Someone once told me a long time ago that 'If the horse is good, keep betting on it'. OK I confess the person who said it to me was a croupier at Crown Casino... at one of the Baccarat tables to be exact. Coincidentally, the other thing is also something I learnt during my time in Australia --- If it's not broken, don't fix it. I have lived by this 'motto' for the past 10 odd years, especially where work is concerned, and I have to say it served me well thus far.

So, will I end up tossing a coin?

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Looking back at how much I wrote, I kind of surprised myself because politics to me is as interesting as... hmmm.. dandruff? Never expected myself to get as interested in it as I got.. LOL!!

This is a rather overdue update on little bun since I had my appointment with Dr Anu last Tuesday. His/ her development is on track so far (Thank you, God) and is measuring a little over 3 inches. I also had a scan to measure my cervical length... this is something that I will have to go through on a weekly basis to ensure that it doesn't show any signs of weakening (i.e shortening and/ or funneling). If it shortens and/ or funnels (**knock on wood**), it'd very likely lead to preterm labour and the only remedy would be to put in the cervical clerage that Dr Anu initially suggested.

As of last Tue, my cervical length was around 4.5cm (during pregnancy, the length of the cervix should be between 2.5cm to 5cm, anything over 3cm is ideal). Praying that my cervix will stay at closed at this length for as long as possible.

Another factor which is just as important as the length of my cervix, or possibly the most important factor in my case is the condition of my waterbag. In the cases of Lucas and Chloe, it was Preterm Premature Rupture of Membranes (PPROM) that was the culprit that caused both miscarriages. Frankly, till today, no cause has been found. Unfortunately I fall into the 'unknown cause' category. Both times, the waterbag just leaked unexpectedly... there were no signs, no warning... Frankly, this is my key fear/ concern because there is no way to check on the condition of the waterbag; there is no way to prevent it from leaking prematurely; there is no way to salvage it once it leaks... IF there is something I can do to prevent PPROM, I will do it without second thought.

I can only pray that my waterbag will stay intact until I am at least 30 weeks. In all honesty, I am not even trying to aim for a full term (38-40 weeks) pregnancy. With my track record, that'd be a fantasy come true if it does really happen... At 30 weeks, the baby will still be very premature, but at least mortality rate is low and the risk of disability is very much reduced.

Right. I have learnt something new. Apparently sciatica can also be caused by pregnancy. Sciatica in pregnancy is rather common and although not serious, it can caused a lot of discomfort (this I can attest to!!). I am still not convinced that my sciatica is caused by the pregnancy cos I have not put on that much weight (yet). So far, I think my weight gain is bodering around 2kg... Of all my pregnancies, I think I have the least weight gain this time.

Before going to bed last night, I gave Mark my very best Puss in Boots impersonation from Shrek... basically I wanted him to use the deep heat muscle relaxant balm to massage my whole left leg, from calf to thigh. Mark dislikes getting any kind of medicated balm/lotion/cream (you name it) on his hands. Thankfully he obliged, albeit with a pout and some deep sighs which I decided to ignore. All was going well UNTIL he came to my thigh and he commented with much gusto "Whoa darling, your thigh is really big". Hmmmph. I think his strategy worked... I do have second thoughts about asking him to massage my leg tonight.

SCORE: Mark = 1 , Shane = 0

After scouring the internet for more information on the weird pain on the left side of bum to calf, it seems like I have found the answer-- Sciatica. After what I have read on this topic, I am almost fully convinced that this is it cos I am have the 'cause' (i.e. prior back injury) as well as the 'symptoms'.

Sciatica Symptoms

The most common symptom from sciatica is pain. Most people describe a deep, severe pain that starts low on one side of the back and then shoots down the buttock and the leg with certain movements. Sciatica can also cause hip pain.

1. The pain is usually worse with both prolonged sitting and standing. Frequently, the pain is made worse by standing from a low sitting position, such as standing up after sitting on a toilet seat.
2. In most people, the pain is made worse by sneezing, coughing, laughing, or a hard bowel movement. Bending backward can also make the pain worse.
3. You may also notice a weakness in your leg or foot, along with the pain. The weakness may become so bad you can't move your foot.

Unfortunately the pain is not getting any better... I was initially hoping that it'd go away on its own after a few days. Since I will be seeing Dr Anu in less than 3 hours, so I will ask her about it (and see if she agrees with my self prognosis). Above all, I am more excited to see little bun on the scan later. Praying hard that the pregnancy is progressing as it should.