Little bun turned 2 weeks old yesterday! So happy and content to see my little bun thriving. Mark and I brought him for his check-up yesterday and while he is still slightly jaundiced, the pediatrician was very pleased with how little bun is doing overall. Little bun also managed to put on close to 500g since he was last weighed about 10 days ago, slightly more than the normal weight gain of 200g per week!
Mark and I puffed out our chests like any proud parents would.. it was as if we were told that our son invented a life-saving drug or something! I was told to continue to watch his poo (if the color turns pale, then it means his jaundice level needs to be checked)... 'Poo-watching' and 'diaper counting' had been my latest hobby since bringing little bun home.
After little bun's appointment, we proceeded to my appointment with Dr Anu to check on my stitches and how I have healed. I felt a sense of immense relief and achievement when I walked into the clinic for the first time with a baby in my arms. For the past 9 plus months, I have walked into that clinic at least once a week with my baby in my belly and feeling a variety of emotions that range from happiness to relief to worry to fear to etc... There had been times when I feel so much envy when I see other women holding their babies. Now that I have the source of all my emotions safely cuddled in my arms, what an awesome feeling that is!
We also took the opportunity to take some photos with Dr Anu... Having little bun here today is as much her 'achievement' as it is ours. She's been more than just a doctor to me and we could tell she is genuinely happy for Mark and I. I can still recall that the first time I saw her was around November or December 2009, about 5-6 months after I lost Chloe. She held my hands and comforted me when I couldn't control my tears while recounting to her my 'history'. Now I feel that I can finally close that chapter of my life, the chapter I'd entitle 'Motherhood'... although it was a long, rocky and painful chapter, I am glad it has a happy ending.
Mark and I wouldn't have gotten here without Dr Anu's help, and for that, we'd be eternally grateful to her for giving us our lives back. Our lives came to a standstill after we lost Chloe and I basically allowed myself to spiral into that deep dark hole of depression. I can say that I single-handedly fucked up the lives of myself, of Mark and to a certain extent, our extended families, for the past few years.
Having little bun here with us today somewhat eases that pain and for me, it makes me feel less of a 'failure'. While nothing will ever compensate for the loss of our Angels, I know that they will forever live in the hearts of Mark and I... gone but never forgotten. I also like to think that our Angels are watching over little bun from Heaven and will forever be his guardian angels, watching over and protecting him.
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