A friend who is an obstetrician/gynaecologist in Melbourne sent me an email over the weekend asking me the 2 all important questions - #1) When do I intend to deliver and #2) Have I/we thought of the mode of delivery?
Well, I don't think I have a choice in #1 cos it really is in the hands of God. But assuming if litle bun and I can make it 'all the way', then my target is anything between 36 to 38 weeks. As for #2, Mark and I have casually discussed this recently but haven't really come to any conclusion although I am leaning more towards a caesarean section, simply because it is safer for little bun. My friend actually shared with me his point of view.. IF he was a woman with my kind of medical record and history, he'd definitely opt for a caesarean section as it is the safest mode of delivery for the baby. Rather glad that he seconds my preference...
Psychologically, I am rather afraid and apprehensive about going through a natural labour again because the last 2 didn't leave me with happy memories. I think I have sub-consciously placed some sort of a 'mental block' there and I try to avoid thinking about it... It is not something that I'd ever forget in my lifetime, but just that I prefer to keep locked away in my mind and my heart. Now when I look back, I recall clearly that what was going through my mind in the midst of the excruciating pain (especially in Chloe's case) was that my babies weren't going to come home with me... Plus I was very close to punching Mark in the face because he kept shoving the darn oxygen mask in my face!! In most cases, parents cry tears of joy at the birth of their newborns, but Mark and I shed tears of pain and sorrow. Certainly one of, if not the most, painful moments of my life and certainly not something that I want to go through or be reminded of ever again.
I'll be seeing Dr Anu's replacement tomorrow (oh, I miss my Dr Anu already!!) and perhaps it is something I can discuss with him... might be a bit too early though.. maybe I should wait till early October.
See you tomorrow, little bun!
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