The 9th day into the Year of Tiger is off to a roaring start for me... to be more precise, it is roaring with pain and agony from the migraine that I woke up to. (Suddenly I've found another 'advantage' in keeping this blog... other than letting me rave and rant, I can also use it to monitor how frequently I am getting these migraines since I blog about it...)
On Saturday morning, Mark and I paid our visit to his family and took them out for a New Year luncheon. It was inevitable that I had to meet his cousin's 7 month old son (aka our nephew) for the first time. Stormy (no, I am not kidding about his name) was born in July 2009, and he's supposed to be 3 months older than his cousin Chloe. Provided if he stays here rather than go back to Australia, it'd be so fun to watch them grow up playing (and fighting??) together since they are so close in age.
I am getting quite sore of watching other people's happiness when they are with their babies. It's so tiring having to put on a happy facade in their presence and pretend that my heart is not bleeding. I always try to put myself into other people's shoes and think of their feelings, but at times, I wonder if anyone will put themselves in my shoes and think of how I am feeling. Does/ Will anyone take a moment and think of the 2 babies that I lost?
But I guess I can't control any of these because around us, there is simply too many friends/ family with young kids and we cannot possibly avoid them forever. I have to keep reminding myself the mantra - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger'. This mantra kept me going when I lost Lucas... and I then applied it to other aspects of my life. When I lost Chloe, the mantra lost some of its 'effectiveness' because I was inclined to continue it on with 'but if it doesn't make me stronger, then please let it kill me'.
No comments:
Post a Comment