A couple of weeks back, a friend she shared with me the good news that she is pregnant. I was overjoyed for her cos she had previously shared with me that she and her hubby had been trying for over 2 years to conceive, and having been through the long and lonely road of struggling to conceive, I could totally feel her joy.
Just before I left for the Bali trip, I received a message from her saying that her water bag was leaking and she was in hospital on complete bed rest. Right away a feeling of dread descended upon me and I felt the breath being knocked out from my lungs. It was all too familiar. Too hauntingly familiar.
My friend was only 23 weeks along, there's still quite some time to go before she is 28 weeks, which is the cutoff period where the baby will stand a decent chance of survival and normality. I didn't quite know how to react.... On one hand, I wanted to be positive, cheer her on and ask her to keep the faith. On the other hand, I knew from experience that the prognosis wasn't good. She was too far away from 28 weeks, or even 26 weeks. Every single day that the baby manages to stay inside the womb counts, however, since the water bag was already compromised, the odds of infection setting in thereby triggering preterm labour was very high. Unfortunately, no matter how advanced medical science is, there isn't a way to mend/ patch up a leaking water bag.
My heart was aching and I had to share the news with Mark because I just had to get it off my chest. It brought back memories of how we lost our little Chloe at 24 weeks and 2 days - a leaking water bag followed by preterm labour, and our world came crashing down. I wish with all my heart that no one would ever go through what Mark and I went through.
Unfortunately, my worst fears came true and my friend lost her baby girl that same evening. I didn't quite know how to console her cos I have been through that myself and I know during that time I was inconsolable. I hated myself, I hated the world, I hated God. I cried till I couldn't cry no more, and raged against my fate. I was my own worst enemy.
For now, I just hope my friend and her hubby will stand together and weather this tornado that'd change their lives forever. From the sounds of it, I am sure my friend will require a cervical suture when she gets pregnant again. My only advice to my friend.. Dear Jules, Cry and then fight. Just cry as much as you like, and when you are tired from crying or when you know you cannot cry anymore, pick yourself up and continue the fight towards motherhood so that Baby J wouldn't have sacrificed in vain. I refused to give up my fight towards being a mother because I didn't want Lucas and Chloe to sacrifice in vain.. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't have my 2 buns today.
Bless the little girl they lost.. I hope Lucas and Chloe will take her under their little wings and show her around the heaven which is their playground.
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