Cervical Cerclage

I didn't get the good news that I was hoping for yesterday and have been feeling extremely bothered and worried sick ever since. The length of my cervix had shortened further from last week. It was 3.3cm last week and when we measured it yesterday, it was only 2.7cm... Thank goodness it is still closed and there are no signs of funneling. At 2.7cm, it is getting too close to the 'danger' level of 2.5cm, hence Dr Anu made the decision to put in an emergency cerlage for me next week. The earliest slot that she managed to get the operating theatre is on Tue, 02 Aug and I'd need to stay warded for a couple of days after the surgery so that they can monitor my condition.

Initially when Dr Anu first brought up the subject of putting in a cervical cerclage for me in April, I was so glad when we decided to adopt the 'wait and see' approach cos my cervical length had been at a healthy 4.5cm for many weeks. Unfortunately it didn't stay that way and now it seems very necessary to have the stitch put in. Although I am extremely concerned about the possible risks involved (ranging from premature labour to premature rupture of membranes to infection of the cervix, etc), Dr Anu's advice is that at the rate my cervix is shortening, it's just a matter of time before history repeats itself like in the case of Chloe.

It seems like Mark and I really aren't left with any other options... we are caught in a tight spot between a rock and a hard place. It is a risk that we have to take and then pray really hard for the best outcome. I just can't believe how close I am now to reaching the 'safety zone' and then this has to happen... I only need another 4 to 6 weeks for little bun to remain inside me!!!! It is so damn frustrating!!!! Anyway, all there is left to do now is keep our fingers crossed and pray that the surgery will go smoothly; that there won't be any adverse effects; that the stitch will help to keep my cervix intact and keep little bun in me for a long time more.

*** Dear God, please watch over little bun and I during this trying period and may you keep us under your watchful care for the next couple of weeks.***

I wonder what today's checkup and scan will bring... I hope there will be good news about my cervical length, or at the very least, that there won't be any bad news. At the very least, I am hoping that its length remained the same as last week and hasn't shortened any further. I had a brief discussion on this topic with my haematologist when I saw her on Tuesday, and basically this is what she recommended:

1. Not to lift or carry anything heavy
2. Not to exert myself when in the toilet (I guess she means poo-pooing)
3. To try and sit/lie down when sneezing
4. Avoid squatting
5. Bed rest as much as possible

That scary, mixed feeling is back again... it is the feeling of excitement in seeing little bun versus the fear of not knowing if everything will continue to be alright. ***fingers crossed***

I chanced upon the following products by Clarins, which came highly recommended in a forum by women who are currently in the final leg of their pregnancies or recently given birth. Admittedly, while I have definitely used some products by Clarins on and off, I have never heard of these products before since I have mostly been using Clinique products through the years.

The 2 products which caught my interest are the 'Stretch Mark Control' and 'Body Treatment Oil', that would aid in prevention of formation of stretch marks which may or may not be caused by pregnancies. From the description of the products, their end purpose seem rather simiilar, just that one is cream-based while the other is oil-based. I think I'm more inclined on the cream-based product even though the oil-based one may be more effective cos #1) I'd think the cream-based one will be cheaper #2) I don't quite fancy the oily feeling on my body and my clothes sticking to my belly... (hmmm.. I wonder if my clothes would ignite if I stand too near the stove while making dinner?? Ok, that's a bad thought!!).

To be honest, so far little bun's been extremely kind to mummy because I have **knocking hard on wood** no signs of stretch marks YET. I recall that even at around 20weeks when I was expecting Chloe, I started getting stretch marks started at both sides of my belly and it was itching like crazy, especially in the night. I am guessing it could be because I have not put on a lot of weight this time, hence my belly hasn't started stretching too much yet... Or perhaps since my belly had already been stretched before (i.e. you know how new rubber bands are like; taunt and unyeilding), it is coping better now that it has lost its elasticity (think of a used rubber band).

** Dear hubby, since you have been fretting over what to get for me for my birthday, which incidentally happens to be next week, how about this?? I am sure this will come in handy soon. Moreover, I think this is more practical than any handbags/ shoes/ wallets at this stage, don't you think? :) **

Naturally, as any good woman would do during shopping trips (albeit online ones), my eyes strayed and I came across the below product. It is a **ahemmm** 'Bust Firming Lotion' (I swear this product was listed under the section for 'pregnancy'). The description indicates that this product 'noticebly strengthens the bust with a tautening and toning action' (WOW). Hmmm... am I right in guessing that after pregnancy/breastfeeding, a woman's bust is expected to travel down south and hence this product would come in to save the day?

Well, jokes aside, I would embrace all stretch marks as long as little bun is alive and healthy, and of course the most importantly, delivered as close to full term as possible. I wouldn't mind at all if my boobs decide to travel south so long as I get to hold my baby in my arms and watch him/her grow up.

I think I could've/must've somehow twisted my right wrist though I am not really sure what I did to cause it cos I only started feeling the pain I woke up one morning. It's been bothering me for over a week now and the pain seems to be getting worse, especially in the mornings when I feel like I have got a 'locked wrist'. It is making it rather difficult for me to tie up my hair or do simple household chores like wringing a wet wash cloth or filling up the kettle.

I have been using my 'Deep Heat' rub but it doesn't seem to be working... it only gives me temporary relief and the pain returns once the ointment wears off. Yes, first I have got pain in my left foot, followed by weeks of numbness... now I have got a twisted right wrist!! I don't know and don't think this has got anything to do with my pregnancy, but when I complained to Mark about my sore wrist, his reply to me was 'Are you complaining?'. I am not complaining, just whining for a little bit of attention and some TLC from my husband, who seems to be too busy with work lately to give me some quality time. (I think even Hershey is feeling neglected by her 'alpha male').

IVIG (#5)

I just got home after my IVIG session #5... I am afraid I don't quite understand how one can feel so worn out just by lying there for over 4 hours, but yes, it does happen and it is happening to me. Feel like I have just completed a marathon... possibly a triathalon even.

They 'stole' 5 big vials of my blood today prior to the infusion and if the results of the blood work is good, then this could very well be my fifth and final IVIG!! Hip Hip Hooraaaay.... I am trying to keep my happiness in check before I allow myself to do the happy dance cos it all still depends on how the my blood test results turn out. It'd be REALLY great if this is indeed my last IVIG infusion... Frankly, the monthly bill that I have chalked up on this treatment is astronomical.

I may have been worried that I am not gaining much weight, but I just realized that this is a 'blessing in disguise' in some way cos the cost of each IVIG dosage is dependent on my weight, i.e. the more weight I put on, the more medication is required, hence the higher the cost. Since the amount of weight I put on thus far isn't much, the cost of each infusion had remained fairly much the same from start.

The checkup didn't go as well as I'd have wanted it to. Over the course of the week, the length of my cervix had shortened by over 1cm. While 1cm may seem insignificant, it represents 24%. Just a week ago, it was around 4.3cm.. this week it only measure in at around 3.3cm. Ideally, anything over 2.5cm is still acceptable, but since little bun is still quite a long way off from being full term, I'd really have preferred if the length remained above 4cm for as long as possible (usually if the cervix gets too short, it is an indication of pre-term labour).

Dr Anu didn't seem overly worried at this stage but said that we'd have to continue to closely monitor the length for any signs of further (God forbid!!) shortening. The length of the cervix may 'fluctuate' during pregnancy, so there's still hope that it'd maintain at the current lenth or hopefully lengthen until little bun reaches full term.

I have been reading up on this topic (naturally!!) and seems like the only thing which may help is bedrest This is more of a common sense thing than a medical thing cos lying down alleviates gravitational pressure from the cervix. While I have not reached the 'critical' stage and the doctor hasn't ordered strict bedrest for me, I am determined to spend the whole of next week in bed as much as possible. Hopefully when time comes for the scan next Friday, the length will maintain/improve.

That said, little bun's development is thankfully still on track. I got a lovely scanned picture of his/her left profile and in my own very biased opinion, my baby is so cute!!! From the picture, I can confirm now that little bun definitely has Mark's nose, this was concurred by Dr Anu and her nurse (it's a good thing cos Mark's nose has a higher bridge than mine).

For now, I am still working hard to keep the faith and pray for the best. Please, please, please let things go smoothly.

Finally Dr Anu is back from her vacation!!! I can't wait for my appointment with her (and little bun) later... somehow I feel comforted in knowing that she's back and will be 'looking after' me and little bun again. **whew**

I am due for my 5th dosage of IVIG next Tuesday... it almost slipped my mind, if not for the SMS reminder from the hospital this morning. Can't believe that a month had passed since my last IVIG... I guess it is a good thing that time is passing quickly and without incident, there's nothing more I can possibly ask for. My 6th and final IVIG will be in late August and after that, I think little bun will pass the 'safety hurdle' that both Dr Anu and I are aiming for.

It'd be good to finally be able to breathe a small sigh of relief at that stage, but I don't think I will be able to rest easy until I am holding a healthy and brawling little bun in my arms.

Where flowers bloom so does hope...

I could hardly believe my eyes when I saw the flowers blooming from my barely alive potted palm!! We bought this plant when we first moved in 3 years ago. At that time, the plant , a yellow palm, was robust looking and over 2 metres tall. Through the years, it's been reduced to only half its height and most of the leaves have been 'fried' by the direct sunlight that shines onto the balcony of my master-bedroom every morning.

Although I have been dutifully watering it daily, its condition hasn't improved much, but neither has it deteriorated... hence I didn't have any excuse to dump it since it was still surviving. What a pleasant surprise it gave me the other morning when I saw the small, purple-hued blooms! (Actually I didn't even know that these type of plants can have flowers...) The blooms have been there for over a week already and it cheers me up everytime I look out my bedroom.. the pretty speckle of purple nestling amongst the greens (and browns).

I have never had much success with plants.. I didn't inherited my mom's green fingers unfortunately. This tiny blossom is my first 'success' ever. Hope that it is a good sign of the things to come.

"Where flowers bloom so does hope"

We finally broke THE news to my parents on Mark's birthday. It was unplanned... I received an SMS from my mom in the morning asking if I was alright and why haven't I gone home for such a long time. I felt bad for making her worry and for having kept something so important from them. After discussing with Mark, we decided to pop over to my parents place to break the news to them because we have run out of excuses and my little bump is becoming rather obvious.

Mark left me to the task while he 'escaped' to another corner of the house (Thanks, honey!).

I think my mom had been suspecting all these while, so she wasn't overly surprised when I told her 'Ma, I'm pregnant'. Her first reaction was a grin, followed by 'Why don't you tell me only when you are due?'. Then it was followed by a torrent of questions - 'How many weeks?', 'When is the baby due?', 'Do you know the gender?', 'Are your checkups ok?', etc. The interrogation session was then followed by a list of 'Do's and Don'ts' i.e. Do drink more milk, do rest more, do eat more nutritious food, do not lift heavy things, do not walk/ go out too much, etc... Admittedly, it feels good to be fussed over! I was grilled for quite a while and I am still getting questions via SMS!!

I can't hope and pray enough that I will not disappoint my parents this time... I have already given them false hopes the past 3 times so I really hope this time will the time where they get to hold their first grandchild. It's really about time that I stop disappointing my parents and bring some much needed and long awaited joy into their lives.

I presented these 2 envelopes to Mark yesterday as part of his birthday present. I have prepared this 'present' over 3 weeks ago when the scan revealed little bun's gender. On the day before the scan, I prepared 2 cards, a light pink one with the word 'GIRL' and a pale blue one with the word 'BOY'. During the scan, I requested the sonographer not to tell me the gender, but to put the corresponding card into the black envelope (I chose black cos it is impossible to see through it and thus prevent any chance of me trying to steal a peek to confirm my guess!!). The remaining card was placed into the red envelope. I have kept these 2 envelopes in my drawer and have resisted the urge to steal a peek... pretty darn proud of myself!!

I told Mark that the choice to look or not look was entirely his. After a brief moment of contemplation, he decided to stick to his initial decision to keep it unknown for now (or until he cannot withstand the suspense any longer).