Recently, I was asked to put together an updated CV for work purposes and I got stuck at the bit where I had to list all my 'achievements' (this CV is something that my employer uses to 'sell' me to potential clients). It took me a lot of time trying to come up with the things that I'd achieved work-wise during my 10 years in the workforce. I think it'd take me even longer to come up with the 'achievements' in my personal life. When time comes for me to have my one-to-one lifetime 'review' with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates (that is provided that I go to Heaven), I think I'd need even more time to list what I have achieved in my lifetime.
Undoubtedly, one of my key achievements is having little bun... plus how I have managed to reach my personal goal in keeping him exclusively on breastmilk for the first 6 months of his life (as recommended by pediatricians). I didn't think I'd be able to achieve it though I had maintained the 'I will breastfeed him for as long as I am able to'. Thankfully my body didn't quit on me and slightly more than 6 months later, I am still keeping up with it. While I don't produce surplus of that 'liquid gold' to feed a small starving nation (like how I read some mothers do), I make just enough (with a little spare) to cover the needs of little bun.
However recently I have been rather bothered by pressure from outside and within. My mom had commented a number of times that a neighbour's baby boy who is about a month older than little bun but he is way bigger/ chunkier/ meatier. Mom also found out that he was fed solely on formula milk. (Literature supports the finding that formula fed babies tend to gain weight quicker than exclusively breastfed babies, especially after the baby's 3rd month). I think it's the 'guilt' that's bothering me cos I don't know if my insistence to keep little bun on an exclusive breastmilk diet had led to him not having enough nutrients and thus putting on less weight.
Anyway I don't think my mom is trying to tell me anything, but it certainly made me wonder if I am underfeeding my little boy. I have also had friends with young babies around little bun's age and they seem to be more robust looking. So the pressure is on. For the record, little bun is certainly not underweight and according to the pediatrician during little bun's last check-up in the end of Mar, little bun is right smack in the centre of both the length (height) and weight growth charts for his age. There also seems to be this notion that a chubby baby = healthy (ier?) baby.
Being the worry wart that I am, paranoia set in. I am the kind of mother who worries about anything and everything. Examples: If little bun is sleeping more, I'd worry that he's snoozing more cos he isn't well. If he doesn't poo on a particular day, I'd worry about constipation and if he poos more than usual on a certain day, I worry about diarrhea. I notice every minute detail in/on little bun.. if he so much as sneezes/ coughs/ scratches himself, I'd be on a hawk-eyed watch. You get the drift? (**insert wry grin**)
I spent the past few days (and nights) religiously reading and reviewing literature on this topic (breastmilk versus formula milk). I was prepared to either (1) Introduce formula milk into little bun's diet by putting him on a part formula, part breastmilk diet (plus his semi-solid food too (2) Do away with breastmilk completely.
.. to be cont'd...
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