The Truth is Out (finally)... -- Part III

This is the final installment (Part III) to my doctor's appointment on 03 Sep 2009... I feel that this is the most important part... even more important than me finding out about my Thrombophilic condition.

I have always had unanswered questions surrounding Chloe's birth and subsequent death... these questions had been in my head for the most part of the last 2 months. Questions that I wanted to know but was afraid to know the answers because I if I will be able to take it. But then again, I knew that I just had to find out at some stage or I'll never be at peace.

I finally put them down on my iPhone and showed them to Dr T (I didn't dare to ask him verbally because I know I will break down midway... it's not very glam break down in tears in front of a cute doctor...). Actually I think I shoved my phone at him because I was afraid that I'd chicken out and regret later. I did explained to Dr T that I needed some closure and I needed his help with some questions... As usual, he was very sweet and said he understood and best part of all, he still remembers her name.

1. Was Chloe still alive when she was born? - Answer: Yes. According to Dr T, she did open her eyes and moved her arms and legs. (Sadly, I don't remember that she opened her eyes when I held her... or maybe she did but my vision was impaired by the torrent of tears.. I remember I couldn't stop crying the entire time I was holding her).

2. Did she develope normally? - Answer: Yes... at least he said from what he could see, she appeared to have developed normally.

3. Was she in any pain? - Answer: No.

4. When did she pass away? - Answer: Around 5 minutes after birth... According to Dr T, Chloe died in my arms.

Honestly, I defintely trust what he told me, but then again, a part of me does wonder... with Dr T being the nice, compassionate guy that he is, would he tell me a white lie just to make me feel better??!

Whatever it is, I have to trust my doctor, so I'll choose to believe what he told me... that my little Chloe was in no pain and she passed away cradled in my arms surrounded by all my love.

Thank you Dr T, I doubt you will ever get to read this, but if you do, what you said/ did meant a lot to me... I have the closure that I so badly needed.