An ex-client who is based in the U.S sent me an email yesterday. She told me she came across an article and she immediately thought of me. Like me, she also has PCOS and is struggling to conceive. A few years back, she underwent IVF and had succeed in getting pregnant with a pair of twins, but sadly,she had a miscarriage and lost both babies.
Anyway, the article that she sent me totally hits home. I have always known deep inside that I will be a great mother and I will never take my baby for granted. I will never whinge about sleepless nights, dirty diapers, screaming baby, pregnancy weight gain, sore boobs from breastfeeding, etc... each of these 'inconveniences' for other parents will to me, be my signs of my victory.
I feel, and I know, that I am a better person because of what I have been through. I now know who are the people who truly love and care about me, and for the people who love me and whom I love; I have learnt to give them my unconditional love; I have learnt 'To live and let live'; I have learnt to laugh hard and at the same time, I have also learnt that it is ok to cry hard too;. Most importantly, I think I have finally learnt to love myself more. My Angels have made me a better and stronger person.
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"Thoughts on Becoming a Mother"
"There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better. I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me. I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won. So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immerse power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life. Yes I will be a wonderful mother."
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