The tears finally came yesterday after I completed my previous blog entry. I guess the weather had a big part to play because it was raining heavily in the afternoon, and the setting was 'right'... The raindrops are like my tears, the cloudy sky depicts my gloomy heart and the lightning that flashes across the sky feels like someone is whipping my already wounded heart over and over again. It was the perfect time and backdrop to grieve over the loss of the little person I'd never get to know, plus his/her (??) brother Lucas and sister Chloe.
Surprisingly, this time the tears came rather late. It's been more than a week after we were told the bad news. I guess finally the truth has sank in... that I have lost yet another baby; that our potential future with yet another child had been cruelly terminated; that I are back to the same old drawing board of grieving, coping with grief, learning to hide it and deal with grief.
Before Mark and I could even properly celebrate the joy of our gift, it was taken away from us so quickly and suddenly. God has given us 3 gifts, only to take them back again. I do seriously wonder if it's something I have done wrong in my previous life and thus all the bad karma and punishment that I have to go through this lifetime to atone for my sins.
Into each life some rain must fall. -- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
(I think I have more than my share of rain for this lifetime,
can I please have some sunshine and clear skies henceforth??)
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