Chloe's Treasure Chest

Typing out this post on Chloe's Treasure Chest is a whole lot harder than I'd expected... Because we had her for a longer time, we have more momentos of her than Lucas. We had also bought a number of things in anticipation for her arrival because we were so confident that she will be ours to keep. Looking at the photos below brought back a fresh wave of uncried tears and heartache.

Contents:

1. 

   5 Pregnancy kits... There were actually a lot more of it, but I only kept a few of them. If my memory is correct, I did at least 10 home pregnancy tests during the first week that we found out because I simply couldn't believe it. I basically tried out all the available brands in the market; the digital type (I still remember that Mark bought these ones) as well as the 'classic' kind.

2. The scans of Chloe. Interesting enough, I actually had more scan photos of Lucas than of Chloe although we had Lucas for a much shorter period of time. With Lucas, I had bleeding/ spotting from week 8 onwards, so there were a lot more scans done check on him every few days. With Chloe, the pregnancy was so easy and uncomplicated, hence we only did the routine scans.

3. The menstral chart that I kept while I was trying to conceive Chloe... basically used to track ovulation.

4. Chloe's OSCAR ('One Stop Clinic Asssessment of Risk') test results done at 12 weeks and the detailed scan results that was done at 20 weeks (this was the time when Mark and I were told that we were expecting a girl).

5. The cards that we received after we lost her.
   
   
6. 

   These are all the medical receipts that I kept during the time we were trying to conceive (begining from Oct 08) and for all the weekly gynae appointments for the first 20 odd weeks after conception (late may 09). Over this period of 8 months (Oct 08 to May 09), I amassed a medical bill of over $5k. It is excluding the eventual delivery and hospitalisation charges when I miscarried. This is partly the reason why I decided to stick to a govt. hospital this time so that I can get some reprieve from the horrendous private medical fees.

7. I feel a stabbing pain in my chest everytime I look at this piece of official looking document. It is the application/ approval form for the cremation of my princess.

8. We had bought a number of clothes for Chloe and I selected 5 'special' pieces that were cremated along with her. The above are some of the ones that I wanted to keep as a momento. They were bought on the evening on the day of the 20 week scan when we knew it was a girl.

9. The envelope contains my hospital discharge details as well as my 3 month long medical leave.

10. The 10th item on the list is not visible to the eye, but it is certainly there without any doubt... it is all the love from her daddy and mummy.