Everyone seems so happy and jovial at this time of the year, but it seems like the happier the mood is around me, the more depressed I feel. Sometimes I feel like a outsider looking in, and while I do try my best to participate in social gatherings and all the festivities, I can't help but feel like a stranger. Doesn't make any sense, does it?
Making matters worse, a dear friend of mine lost her doggie rather suddenly last night and the news make everything even more drab. Given the fact that I am more 'emo' during this period, and being a dog lover and an owner of 2 dogs, I know that saying the final goodbye to your best friend isn't at all easy. My heart goes out to the family while they cope with the sudden loss of Opy, also fondly known as the GruffPuppy.
To anyone who has loved and lost -
“The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief. But the pain of grief is only a shadow when compared with the pain of never risking love.” --- Hilary Stanton Zunin
After losing Lucas and Chloe, I have become a lot more reserved with my feelings... I have loved both of them unconditionally and whole-heartedly, and my 'reward' was a shattered heart on both occasions. I will never forget this kind of pain for as long as I live. Now I am afraid of loving anyone too much for fear that they will leave me one day. I consciously try to 'withhold' my love and build a wall around myself as 'self-protection' just so that the pain would be lesser should the person leave me. It is indeed a fearful thing to love what death can touch, and this is why if given a chance, I'd want to be selfish for once and hope that death can take me before it takes any of my loved ones so that I don't have to deal with the pain and heartache afterwards.
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