I had originally intended to tender my resignation yesterday, on the 01st of April no less, and even had my letter drafted. I had been counting down for about 10 days and then plans kinda changed at the last minute cos I chickened out, plus a few other reasons (or are they excuses??) too.
First and foremost, I am concerned about our finances if I do stop working for a couple of months (yup, I had intended to take a complete break for a few months, so Mark will have to be the sole breadwinner for that period). I guess I am reluctant to compromise our current lifestyle, but I know this is something that I have to deal with sooner or later.
Secondly, I am worried about the expenses that I am pouring into my fertility program. I don't know how much more it is going to cost us if things continue the way they are now cos it seems like I am not getting anywhere near my goal. I also don't know how long more I'd have to continue with these sessions. These costs will dramatically increase if we move to the more intensive stages. I am now only going through 'stage 1' of the program, and if it still doesn't work, I am keen to move to 'stage 2' sooner rather than later. The cost difference between stage 1 and stage 2 is about ten-fold or maybe more.
Stage 1 = Fertility pills plus scans
Stage 2 = Hormone injections plus scans. Each injection costs $75 and I'd need around 7-9 of the injections every cycle. We spent a little fortune going through this for 4 months before we conceived Chloe.
Thirdly, I am kinda worried that I won't be able to find a job later... I know this may seem rather senseless, but with my current job, I do like most of my colleagues and I have a very nice boss. I am sure I could be paid more, but I am not complaining either cos I am given the flexibility to work from home. I want to leave because I am just losing focus, getting worn out and feeling unhappy (with myself and my life).
Fourthly, I just feel guilty for abandoning all my colleagues while we are up to our necks with this new gargantuan project we are undertaking. It's like I am leaving them in the lurch and I feel like a 'traitor'... and it feels rather irresponsible.
I am not saying that I am shelving this thought/ intention for good, but I will try and bear with it for as long as I possibly can before I throw in the towel. At the meantime, I will try and save up as much money as possible... some lifestyle changes will be necessary:
- No impulsive purchases
- Buying only 'needs' and not 'wants'
- Eat out less at restaurants
- Grocery shopping at Giant instead of Marketplace or Cold Storage
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